My Mother turns 96yo in September. She lives in her own home, cooks new recipes, reads Bestsellers, emails and Zooms. Mom stays on top of the news, cheers on the Mets and telephones five children, eleven grandkids and three greats often, Someone drives her daily for a walk with her walker along the long hallway at the local library,
through the aisles at Walmart or Shop Rite. Mom volunteers at a Consignment shop. She enjoys her daily nap, but laments needing one. I am lucky to speak with her every night.
I was also lucky to know and be close to my four grandparents. In my twenties, this led me to choose a career in gerontology. My first Clients were four times my age. I thought I knew so much then. Little did I know how much I would learn and grow as my life was enriched by Elders for over forty years. And now I am one (though my mother insists at 72yo I am still young!). These days I
enjoy being a grandma and am still making friends both older and younger. My Mother taught us well about how to grow older with purpose, connection, humor and grace. She is a role model for many.
We need more Laurens. Isolation and loneliness are epidemic in America. Thank you for sharing this heartwarming story, for making a difference and for inspiring others to follow your lead and reach out.
Debra, your amazing mother sounds like my amazing 98 year old father who is still driving and cutting the grass and volunteering, amongst other things. Yes, we do need more Laurens! I'm so happy you enjoyed her essay!
Beautiful essay. Music is as ageless as the friendships you have. I love that they have given you the perspective of the finiteness of life. It's amazing how fast one goes from 29 to much older. It's the blink of an eye and you're there. At 29 I could not have imagined it. ALICE.
As a relatively young therapist, I was fortunate enough to find a group of seasoned therapists learning the same couples therapy method and we started a monthly consult group. Most of them are at least ten years older, many are more than twenty five. Over the past 18 years we have become more than colleagues, we are now friends. One has passed away, we all have had various life crises we have supported one another through, and we celebrate each other's successes. I feel very fortunate to have friends with so much wisdom and interest. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into Sundays. ALICE
This got me right in my heart. Thank you, Lauren. And Jane for featuring it. It makes me think of my 84-year old mother and I. A different kind of relationship, for sure, but I'm constantly amazed at how it has morphed and deepened over the years as we both have weathered crises and been softened and humbled. How committed she is to continuing to grow and evolve as a person. How grateful I am, especially as the world spins ever more quickly, to have someone in my life who has so many years of memories of when life was slower, less manically connected, but also more present.
This is so beautiful, Asha. And so true! This: "we both have weathered crises and been softened and humbled." Lovely! Glad you enjoyed Lauren's essay! Sending love! xx
What a beautiful reflection, Asha. I'm so deeply moved by your words - and by your profound reminder of how we never stop evolving. It really is so true x
Thank YOU, Lauren. In my experience, lots of people DO stop evolving. They stop looking for new ideas and experience. They stop being open to being contradicted or challenged. They stop being willing to be uncomfortable as they learn new skills, either emotionally or physically or intellectually. But as soon as we close ourselves off from all of that, no matter our age, we stop growing and expanding. I hope I can, instead, be like my mom and never, ever stop. Otherwise, I'm not sure why I'm here.
I love this piece for many reasons; making music together reminds me how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE organizing and watching intergenerational art being made. Decades ago I taught art in senior centers and nursing homes, often inviting groups of children in to create with the older people. More recently, as an elementary school art teacher, I’ve had the immense joy of orchestrating art-making between grandparents and grandchildren; it’s beautiful on so many levels it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it! Alice
I love the idea of seniors making art with children! Absolutely beautiful. Music really is the universal connector. As Shirley told me this past weekend, there's no culture in the entire world, throughout all of history, that hasn't created art :)
Thank you for this lovely celebration of multigenerational friendship. I am 70 (hard for me to believe) and have many close friends 15-20 years younger. My daughter is 29 so I am privileged to have her perspective on life as well as that of her friends. My husband (10 years younger than me) and I are moving his 93-year old mother to Assisted Living this weekend. The line about it being God's waiting room really got to me. I was also heartened to learn that Shirley and Walter still travel the world as nonagenarians. That is my hope for my husband and me. Thinking of sweet Bobby and wishing him well. Congratulations on your novel, Lauren. I would love to read it. ALICE
Stephanie! I feel like I could have written much of this post -- though, for me, it's my niece rather than my daughter. And that line about god's waiting room really got to me, as well. On the one hand, there is potentially wonderful community awaiting you. But on the other, you do lose your connection to these intergenerational friendships. I hope all goes well with your MIL! xx
Oh, Stephanie - I'll be thinking of you and your husband throughout the move this weekend. And yes, these three truly are role models for living fully and well!
Such a beautiful essay! I cultivate inter generational friendship, I am 65 and my friends range from their 20s through every decade into their 80s. This: Without friends, no one would choose to live.” Certainly my life wouldn’t be as meaningful.
Oh I really loved this. “Friendships which span the human continuum remind us that even when we feel alone or stranded in time, we’re all trucking down the same path. What comfort there is in such knowledge” - that cave me a tingle down the spine. Some of my most meaningful friendships, or even just conversations, have been with folk in different stages of life to myself. There’s something really special about meeting another soul on that plane, where you’re eye to eye for a minute and age/time is just a peripheral.
I love that, Laura – "age/time is just a peripheral." It reminds me of that feeling when you look into another creature's eyes (human or animal!) and there’s just this quiet recognition of shared aliveness. In an instant, all those categories dissolve.
A true liminal moment. Actually the way you phrase it makes me think of one of my favourite poems. Ted Hughes, Roe Deer - https://voetica.com/poem/9805 - to me it encapsulates exactly that feeling -
"They had happened onto my dimension
The moment I was arriving just there.
They planted their two or three years of secret deerhood
Currently my multi-generational friendships extend from 12 year olds to 89 year olds---a mix of people from work, the dog park, and church. I can't imagine my life without all of them.
Young and old need one another. And hearts have no age. I have friends who are in their 20’s and 30's as well as those in their 70's and 80's. I think of my mom (77) who moved to a retiree community in Florida 6 years ago. She never acclimated. She misses seeing children, having friends with children, meeting up with younger friends who still work in Manhattan. Everyone talks about doctor's appointments and hearing aids here. There is always someone dying off. It feels sad to her. I think that older people become less wise when they don't have younger people to share their life experience with. They just feel old. I always want both older and younger in my life. We were meant to have all ages in our life, like a true community or tribe. Thank you for sharing. xo ALICE 💓
I completely agree, Danni! And I love this: And hearts have no age. So true and beautiful! I'm glad you enjoyed the essay. And my heart goes out to your mom. I can see that being difficult. xx
Beautiful essay,poignant and relatable. I belong to a choir made up of mostly the 20-40 age group. At 67, I’m not too old to make friends with my fellow songsters. Nor are they too young to make me a friend. I count these friendships in the top ten best friends group of my long (hopefully longer)life! “Alice”
Lovely piece. I too have friends in their 80s and 90s, and there is a sweetness to these friendships that is a function of their age. Of course, we could easily lose much younger friends too, but we're not so aware of the preciousness.
My Mother turns 96yo in September. She lives in her own home, cooks new recipes, reads Bestsellers, emails and Zooms. Mom stays on top of the news, cheers on the Mets and telephones five children, eleven grandkids and three greats often, Someone drives her daily for a walk with her walker along the long hallway at the local library,
through the aisles at Walmart or Shop Rite. Mom volunteers at a Consignment shop. She enjoys her daily nap, but laments needing one. I am lucky to speak with her every night.
I was also lucky to know and be close to my four grandparents. In my twenties, this led me to choose a career in gerontology. My first Clients were four times my age. I thought I knew so much then. Little did I know how much I would learn and grow as my life was enriched by Elders for over forty years. And now I am one (though my mother insists at 72yo I am still young!). These days I
enjoy being a grandma and am still making friends both older and younger. My Mother taught us well about how to grow older with purpose, connection, humor and grace. She is a role model for many.
We need more Laurens. Isolation and loneliness are epidemic in America. Thank you for sharing this heartwarming story, for making a difference and for inspiring others to follow your lead and reach out.
Debra, your amazing mother sounds like my amazing 98 year old father who is still driving and cutting the grass and volunteering, amongst other things. Yes, we do need more Laurens! I'm so happy you enjoyed her essay!
Ooh, Debra - this moved me so! Thank you for sharing. Your mom sounds like everything I hope to be 💕
Beautiful essay. Music is as ageless as the friendships you have. I love that they have given you the perspective of the finiteness of life. It's amazing how fast one goes from 29 to much older. It's the blink of an eye and you're there. At 29 I could not have imagined it. ALICE.
I'm so happy you enjoyed it, Liz! And, yes, time does seem to just scoot along!!
Jane, you were so right, straight to the heart. Thank you for sharing this, Lauren, what a beautiful essay and friendship.💕
Ooooh, I'm so glad, Liz! Right from the first word!!! Happy you enjoyed it as much as I did!
Thank you for reading, Liz!!
As a relatively young therapist, I was fortunate enough to find a group of seasoned therapists learning the same couples therapy method and we started a monthly consult group. Most of them are at least ten years older, many are more than twenty five. Over the past 18 years we have become more than colleagues, we are now friends. One has passed away, we all have had various life crises we have supported one another through, and we celebrate each other's successes. I feel very fortunate to have friends with so much wisdom and interest. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into Sundays. ALICE
How beautiful, Holly! And I'm glad you enjoyed Lauren's essay!
This got me right in my heart. Thank you, Lauren. And Jane for featuring it. It makes me think of my 84-year old mother and I. A different kind of relationship, for sure, but I'm constantly amazed at how it has morphed and deepened over the years as we both have weathered crises and been softened and humbled. How committed she is to continuing to grow and evolve as a person. How grateful I am, especially as the world spins ever more quickly, to have someone in my life who has so many years of memories of when life was slower, less manically connected, but also more present.
This is so beautiful, Asha. And so true! This: "we both have weathered crises and been softened and humbled." Lovely! Glad you enjoyed Lauren's essay! Sending love! xx
What a beautiful reflection, Asha. I'm so deeply moved by your words - and by your profound reminder of how we never stop evolving. It really is so true x
Thank YOU, Lauren. In my experience, lots of people DO stop evolving. They stop looking for new ideas and experience. They stop being open to being contradicted or challenged. They stop being willing to be uncomfortable as they learn new skills, either emotionally or physically or intellectually. But as soon as we close ourselves off from all of that, no matter our age, we stop growing and expanding. I hope I can, instead, be like my mom and never, ever stop. Otherwise, I'm not sure why I'm here.
Truth. xx
I love this piece for many reasons; making music together reminds me how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE organizing and watching intergenerational art being made. Decades ago I taught art in senior centers and nursing homes, often inviting groups of children in to create with the older people. More recently, as an elementary school art teacher, I’ve had the immense joy of orchestrating art-making between grandparents and grandchildren; it’s beautiful on so many levels it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it! Alice
Oooooooh, Annabel, how wonderful!! That brings tears to my eyes, as well. Glad you enjoyed Lauren's essay!
I love the idea of seniors making art with children! Absolutely beautiful. Music really is the universal connector. As Shirley told me this past weekend, there's no culture in the entire world, throughout all of history, that hasn't created art :)
I worked for several years for a Seattle non-profit called Seniors Making Art!!
What a gift to hear Lauren read this piece, gentle uplift. Thank you both. ALICE
I'm so happy you enjoyed it, Elizabeth. Yes, I agree, Lauren's writing is a gentle uplift!
Thank you for this lovely celebration of multigenerational friendship. I am 70 (hard for me to believe) and have many close friends 15-20 years younger. My daughter is 29 so I am privileged to have her perspective on life as well as that of her friends. My husband (10 years younger than me) and I are moving his 93-year old mother to Assisted Living this weekend. The line about it being God's waiting room really got to me. I was also heartened to learn that Shirley and Walter still travel the world as nonagenarians. That is my hope for my husband and me. Thinking of sweet Bobby and wishing him well. Congratulations on your novel, Lauren. I would love to read it. ALICE
Stephanie! I feel like I could have written much of this post -- though, for me, it's my niece rather than my daughter. And that line about god's waiting room really got to me, as well. On the one hand, there is potentially wonderful community awaiting you. But on the other, you do lose your connection to these intergenerational friendships. I hope all goes well with your MIL! xx
Oh, Stephanie - I'll be thinking of you and your husband throughout the move this weekend. And yes, these three truly are role models for living fully and well!
Such a beautiful essay! I cultivate inter generational friendship, I am 65 and my friends range from their 20s through every decade into their 80s. This: Without friends, no one would choose to live.” Certainly my life wouldn’t be as meaningful.
I'm so happy you enjoyed it, Amy! And I'm the same with intergenerational friendships! They're beautiful!
A beautiful reminder of how important multigenerational friendships are.
I agree, Claire! So glad you enjoyed it!
As a curious old dame with younger friends, I odded along with every insight and vignette. Thank you, Lauren and Jane.
Same!! So happy you enjoyed it, Rona!
Thank you for reading, Rona!
Oh I really loved this. “Friendships which span the human continuum remind us that even when we feel alone or stranded in time, we’re all trucking down the same path. What comfort there is in such knowledge” - that cave me a tingle down the spine. Some of my most meaningful friendships, or even just conversations, have been with folk in different stages of life to myself. There’s something really special about meeting another soul on that plane, where you’re eye to eye for a minute and age/time is just a peripheral.
I'm so happy you enjoyed it, Laura! And I agree with everything you wrote: this relationships are so special!
I love that, Laura – "age/time is just a peripheral." It reminds me of that feeling when you look into another creature's eyes (human or animal!) and there’s just this quiet recognition of shared aliveness. In an instant, all those categories dissolve.
A true liminal moment. Actually the way you phrase it makes me think of one of my favourite poems. Ted Hughes, Roe Deer - https://voetica.com/poem/9805 - to me it encapsulates exactly that feeling -
"They had happened onto my dimension
The moment I was arriving just there.
They planted their two or three years of secret deerhood
Clear on my snow-screen vision of the abnormal
And hesitated in the all-way disintegration
And stared at me. And so for some lasting seconds
I could think the deer were waiting for me
To remember the password and sign"
Shared aliveness! I love this!!
What a beautiful snippet of your life, Lauren!
Currently my multi-generational friendships extend from 12 year olds to 89 year olds---a mix of people from work, the dog park, and church. I can't imagine my life without all of them.
And, of course, ALICE.
Those sound like the perfect friendship, sherylo! Glad you enjoyed the essay!!
Young and old need one another. And hearts have no age. I have friends who are in their 20’s and 30's as well as those in their 70's and 80's. I think of my mom (77) who moved to a retiree community in Florida 6 years ago. She never acclimated. She misses seeing children, having friends with children, meeting up with younger friends who still work in Manhattan. Everyone talks about doctor's appointments and hearing aids here. There is always someone dying off. It feels sad to her. I think that older people become less wise when they don't have younger people to share their life experience with. They just feel old. I always want both older and younger in my life. We were meant to have all ages in our life, like a true community or tribe. Thank you for sharing. xo ALICE 💓
I completely agree, Danni! And I love this: And hearts have no age. So true and beautiful! I'm glad you enjoyed the essay. And my heart goes out to your mom. I can see that being difficult. xx
Beautiful essay,poignant and relatable. I belong to a choir made up of mostly the 20-40 age group. At 67, I’m not too old to make friends with my fellow songsters. Nor are they too young to make me a friend. I count these friendships in the top ten best friends group of my long (hopefully longer)life! “Alice”
So happy you enjoyed the essay, Jae! And your life sounds a lot like mine! We're lucky!
So lucky…
Lovely piece. I too have friends in their 80s and 90s, and there is a sweetness to these friendships that is a function of their age. Of course, we could easily lose much younger friends too, but we're not so aware of the preciousness.
So true!! Glad you have those friendships. And happy you enjoyed Lauren's beautiful essay!