Kindness Begets Kindness
The Body, Brain, and Books: Eleven Questions with writer Leslie Stephens
Welcome to another edition of The Body, Brain, & Books. If you enjoy reading these quick, insightful interviews brimming with wisdom and hope, please subscribe to Beyond!
What are you reading now?
Last year was among the most challenging and growth-fostering years of my life. I got divorced at 30, bought a house on my own, found a publisher for my novel, and began seeing clients as part of my master’s in mental health and addictions counseling. I spent a lot of time reading novels to escape the chaos of my own world, but lately I’ve been reading books that send me straight into it and inform that kind of counselor I’d like to be. On my coffee table is Jack Kornfield’s After the Ecstasy the Laundry, Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Wherever You Go There You Are, the Tao Te Ching, as well as some Pema Chödrön, Clarissa Pinkola Estés, and Gabor Mate. Am I a walking cliché of someone going through a spiritual crisis and awakening? Yes. It is all helping? Also, yes.
What are your most beloved books from your youth? Did you ever hide any from your parents?
I grew up an only child in a neighborhood without many kids but with plenty of nature, in Laurel Canyon. As a result, I took enormous solace in books, which I read in alcoves I made in brambles in my backyard, emulating the characters I loved, like Mary Lennox in her secret garden, Jo March, Matilda, and Hermione. I read anything and everything, though I favored fantasy and speculative fiction. I remember loving an author named Vivian Vande Velde, and when I made it through her books in my elementary school library, I kept going through the Vs. There was nothing worth hiding, in my memory!
What’s your favorite book to reread? Any that helped you through a dark time?
I rarely reread—there’s so much I have yet to read!—but I’ve found myself returning to Eat Pray Love recently (I loved your interview with
). I revisited the memoir when I initiated the separation with my husband and was struggling with my own understanding of leaving a, by all accounts, perfectly good relationship and marriage. I resonated so deeply with her memory of crying on the bathroom floor. She put into words the questions and pain I was not yet able to synthesize, to the point that I later read the chapter to my ex to help him make sense of my decision to leave. This line, in particular, rang out like a bell: “I had actively participated in every moment of the creation of this life—so why did I feel like none of it resembled me?”Later that year, still reeling with shame and self-doubt, I came across Mary Oliver’s collection of poetry, Devotions which literally saved my life. I had never read poetry before but walked straight to it at City Lights Bookstore in Sylva, North Carolina. I opened the book to the poem, “I don’t want to be demure or respectable. / I was that way, asleep, for many years.” It blew my world wide open. That was in August of 2022, and I’ve read a poem from her book every day since, returning often to that one.
What’s an article of clothing that makes you feel most like you?
Blue jeans, often paired with muddy boots and a black tank or cashmere sweater.
What’s the best piece of wisdom you've encountered recently?
Again, it would have to come from Mary. I’ve been reading Devotions out of order, so I keep thinking I’ve read every poem in it, but then last week I came across “Going to Walden.” In it, she references friends who encourage her to make the drive to see the site of Thoreau’s awakening. The poem ends, “Going to Walden is not so easy a thing / As a green visit. It is the slow and difficult / Trick of living, and finding it where you are.” As someone who has built her life around external solutions, this is the most important piece of advice I need right now.
Tell me about any special relationship you’ve had with an animal, domestic or wild?
My dog Toast, who I wrote about for Beyond, [Note from Jane: Leslie’s essay about Toast is so so so good! I highly recommend checking it out!] has been my loyal companion through all of my recent ups and downs. He showed up for countless rainy runs, challenging hikes, slow mornings, and evenings crying on the couch. I had never lived alone before this year, and feel like I still haven’t, since his company has been so loving and present.
What's one thing you are happy worked out differently than you expected?
What a question! I never thought I would be living in my own house at 31 years old, grappling with the questions and experiences I am now. Happy may not be quite the right word, but I’ve gained an appreciation for the twists and turns life can hold.
Singing in the shower or dancing in the kitchen? Or another favorite way your body expresses itself?
Both! Daily! I also consider exercise to be a celebration of my body, and an expression of its capability and health.
What are your hopes for yourself?
To stay curious and kind, and to continue to engage in and strengthen my community.
What’s a kindness that changed your life?
I never felt comfortable leaning on friends, until last year when I didn’t have a choice. My friends, old and new, showed up for me with so much compassion and support, as did readers of my Substack who went out of their way to write me beautifully vulnerable emails and even invite me to coffee. Every relationship in my life deepened last year as a result of the way people showed up for me, and in turn inspired me to show up for them, with boundless compassion. Kindness begets kindness.
What’s a guiding force in your life?
Amazement.
Meet me in the comment section
What books helped you through a crisis? Is there a poet who inspires you? Do you have an animal in your life who supports you through, well, everything? When have you experienced friends and even some strangers rallying round you?
Leslie has been (unbeknownst to her) a guiding light for me in my twenties and now as I enter into my thirties. Thank you for being such a safe and refreshing part of the internet (and world)!
Pema Chödrön’s - The Places That Scare You, and Mary Oliver’s - Devotions are staples in my own book cubby!
“Am I a walking cliché of someone going through a spiritual crisis and awakening? Yes.”
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Me too, beautiful Leslie. Me, too. 🙏🏼 🤍