I love this! West’s statement “we’re in this together!” Life changing words. I’ve learned over the years to lean in to kindness. It’s been part of my own healing journey. Being from dysfunction, my trauma response has always been to not need others. Super independence kept me from being hurt. In 2013 at 46 years old my congenital heart disease caught up to me and left me broke, and broken and very much alone. My strength and independence crawled forward, I handled my sh*t and inched along. Then I met a man who my friend wanted to set me up with. “No thanks, “ I said to him after several kind conversations. As nice a man he was, “My life is a mess. My life can’t handle more confusion,” I told him. Later he ordered 3 pies from me (I was making pies to supplement my income after the surgery caused me to lose my job). This man doesn’t eat three pies, barely a slice, since he is focused on hiking and adventuring. “You do not need three pies,” I laughed. We spoke for a minute and he sensed my resistance. I asked him “why he was being so nice to me- nobody is this nice to me?” He said this “you’ve been through a hard time. Maybe it’s time someone noticed and was kind.”
I am pretty good at crying. I cried, blubbered, grabbed a Kleenex and wiped the snot from my nose. I accepted his order, his friendship and later his love. I’m so grateful. His kindness has changed me in a way I hadn’t expected.
I’m so happy you are going to let West help in your healing. Reciprocity is how a good world functions. Thank you for sharing and also letting me share and remember.
Oooooooh, Jeneane, what a beautiful story!! My eyes are welling up. Dang. I'm sorry for what you've lived through around your health. Clearly you and I are cut from the same cloth in how we handle challenges! But I'm so so so glad your now partner (yes?) ordered three pies!! And had the big-heartedness and confidence and tenderness to say what he said!! And that you took it in!! Yay! This made my day. Thank you for sharing!
Yes, me too. He’s consistently loving and kind. My mother (who we cared for together) said before she passed- “how’d WE get so lucky to find him?” It gives me comfort in my grief. She experienced goodness, finally. And yes- you and I are learning (i hope it’s okay to include you here) how to lean in to tenderness and gracious kindness.
Yes, happy to be in such good company! Here's hoping somebody orders three pies from me one day soon (though I just need to learn how to bake them...)!
Thank you, Mary Lou! And I'm so sorry you also have vertigo. It's so horrible. As I'm sure you know, so many different things can cause it. For me, it's all the misalignment in my lower back. Once I started up with Muay Thai and all the kicking, the vertigo would go away for a day or two. When I met Suzanne, she explained the kicking was temporarily correcting my alignment!! But it wasn't holding. We're hoping she can get it to hold! If your vertigo is coming from your ears or another source, most likely the kicking won't make a difference. But it is fun!!
I am so sorry for the health trouble you've been experiencing. And--this story of kindness is wonderful. "Primal kindness." We all need to offer and receive it.
Thank you for your kindness and insight ~ it's a beautiful pairing. It's important to talk about kindness, and also appropriate not to get carried away by it ~ we can feel vulnerable when we are practicing kindness, and also be aware and ackknowlege it. All those things. I am grateful for your presence on Substack, and for your writing. Best wishes.
Lots of huge love and support for your journey. Awesome that you didn't just get to go back to boxing but that you found such terrific "in it with you for all of it" support there. That's amazing.
I sent a mushy text to my bestie last night because something random made me think of how much he's helped me in this lifetime in ways I've forgotten to tell him.
Thank you, Kathryn. And that's so beautiful!! What a lucky bestie! And it sounds like you're lucky, too. Those sounds of connections are deeply precious.
What a beautiful piece of writing, Jane. Thank you ~ a lot of this resonated for me, and for others, I am sure. Maybe when one conditions the whole body, conditions improve? Sounds trite, but some trite things are also true. I love the questions you ask about kindness. Thank you for the thoughtful piece on love and its power, despite societal ennui.
This is fascinating. Boxing! I remember watching the first Rocky movie with my eyes closed. I never watched another one. You're not talking about that kind of boxing, right? Because I'd think that would hurt. A lot.
It is that sort of boxing!! BUT: I'm not actually sparring with anyone. I'm just hitting the pads. I can't ever spar--cannot risk getting hit in the head. I probably should have made that clear in my post!! Haha.
Also: Like you, I cannot watch boxing. It's waaaaay too violent. I probably should have made that clear in my post, as well!! But as a workout, it is one of the most beautiful and healing things I've ever experienced!
This is incredibly timely - I had a session with my therapist yesterday where I mentioned a time where the kindness of complete strangers changed my life. My 3 yr old son was in the hospital this past Jan for spinal surgery and had some complications. My mom and I were sitting in the Starbucks at the hospital one morning, crying, and this sweet man came up to me with a pastry and told me that everything was going to be ok. My mom was having a particularly tough time and this big, muscular man just held her and gave her the biggest hug and told her to be strong and that God was with us. The absolute and total kindness of these strangers was so powerful and pure. It touched my soul in ways I never knew existed. It has changed me for the better and now I make a point to show up for people experiencing hard things in the ways I can, because I know that terrible feeling of feeling alone.
Stephanie! What a beautiful story! There truly are some tender, big-hearted souls out there. I'm glad you met up with one during such a vulnerable time. Kindness can be so healing! Is your son doing well now? I hope so!
I've heard that can be incredible when you have the ear crystal vertigo. I'm so glad you found relief! Mine is coming from alignment issues, so that maneuver doesn't help.
I love this! West’s statement “we’re in this together!” Life changing words. I’ve learned over the years to lean in to kindness. It’s been part of my own healing journey. Being from dysfunction, my trauma response has always been to not need others. Super independence kept me from being hurt. In 2013 at 46 years old my congenital heart disease caught up to me and left me broke, and broken and very much alone. My strength and independence crawled forward, I handled my sh*t and inched along. Then I met a man who my friend wanted to set me up with. “No thanks, “ I said to him after several kind conversations. As nice a man he was, “My life is a mess. My life can’t handle more confusion,” I told him. Later he ordered 3 pies from me (I was making pies to supplement my income after the surgery caused me to lose my job). This man doesn’t eat three pies, barely a slice, since he is focused on hiking and adventuring. “You do not need three pies,” I laughed. We spoke for a minute and he sensed my resistance. I asked him “why he was being so nice to me- nobody is this nice to me?” He said this “you’ve been through a hard time. Maybe it’s time someone noticed and was kind.”
I am pretty good at crying. I cried, blubbered, grabbed a Kleenex and wiped the snot from my nose. I accepted his order, his friendship and later his love. I’m so grateful. His kindness has changed me in a way I hadn’t expected.
I’m so happy you are going to let West help in your healing. Reciprocity is how a good world functions. Thank you for sharing and also letting me share and remember.
Oooooooh, Jeneane, what a beautiful story!! My eyes are welling up. Dang. I'm sorry for what you've lived through around your health. Clearly you and I are cut from the same cloth in how we handle challenges! But I'm so so so glad your now partner (yes?) ordered three pies!! And had the big-heartedness and confidence and tenderness to say what he said!! And that you took it in!! Yay! This made my day. Thank you for sharing!
Yes, me too. He’s consistently loving and kind. My mother (who we cared for together) said before she passed- “how’d WE get so lucky to find him?” It gives me comfort in my grief. She experienced goodness, finally. And yes- you and I are learning (i hope it’s okay to include you here) how to lean in to tenderness and gracious kindness.
“We are in this together!”
Much love and healing, Jane.
Yes, happy to be in such good company! Here's hoping somebody orders three pies from me one day soon (though I just need to learn how to bake them...)!
Thank you for sharing. Your words hit so many levels. While it may seem so, you’re not alone! Keep sharing your positivity, Jane!! ✌️✨
Oh, thank you so much! That means a lot!
Wonderful -thanks for sharing and I as a fellow vertigo sufferer I would love to hear why boxing helps
me too--share?
Just shared above!
Thank you, Mary Lou! And I'm so sorry you also have vertigo. It's so horrible. As I'm sure you know, so many different things can cause it. For me, it's all the misalignment in my lower back. Once I started up with Muay Thai and all the kicking, the vertigo would go away for a day or two. When I met Suzanne, she explained the kicking was temporarily correcting my alignment!! But it wasn't holding. We're hoping she can get it to hold! If your vertigo is coming from your ears or another source, most likely the kicking won't make a difference. But it is fun!!
Thanks
I am so sorry for the health trouble you've been experiencing. And--this story of kindness is wonderful. "Primal kindness." We all need to offer and receive it.
Thank you, Jo! Yes, we all need it so so much. Both the giving and receiving. I hope you get some today!
Beyond beautiful, Jane. Thank you. Just the perfect thing to read this morning. Here’s to you and the team.
Thanks so much, Fran! I'm grateful!
Yes, Jane! We lift together! Love to you!
Yes! ❤️
I love this, Jane, how people come together in kindness to lift others up—as your writing does.
Thank you, Kate! That means so much! 🌸
Thanks for sharing this. I needed to hear it as someone who also struggles with chronic pain.
I'm so sorry to hear that, Natalie. It's tough. I'm glad this helped a little.
Buoyant in the subtitle was just right. There was a buoyancy to this whole story especially the support of your boxing instructor West.
Thank you so much, Mark!
My apologies on the typo ~ I had a bit of a kerfluffle signing in. Acknowledge, rather.
No worries! It gave you an opportunity to use kerfuffle! One of my fav words!
Thank you for your kindness and insight ~ it's a beautiful pairing. It's important to talk about kindness, and also appropriate not to get carried away by it ~ we can feel vulnerable when we are practicing kindness, and also be aware and ackknowlege it. All those things. I am grateful for your presence on Substack, and for your writing. Best wishes.
Thank you so much. That means a lot!
Lots of huge love and support for your journey. Awesome that you didn't just get to go back to boxing but that you found such terrific "in it with you for all of it" support there. That's amazing.
I sent a mushy text to my bestie last night because something random made me think of how much he's helped me in this lifetime in ways I've forgotten to tell him.
Thank you, Kathryn. And that's so beautiful!! What a lucky bestie! And it sounds like you're lucky, too. Those sounds of connections are deeply precious.
What a beautiful piece of writing, Jane. Thank you ~ a lot of this resonated for me, and for others, I am sure. Maybe when one conditions the whole body, conditions improve? Sounds trite, but some trite things are also true. I love the questions you ask about kindness. Thank you for the thoughtful piece on love and its power, despite societal ennui.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I probably spend far too much time thinking about kindness! But it truly does fascinate me!
This is fascinating. Boxing! I remember watching the first Rocky movie with my eyes closed. I never watched another one. You're not talking about that kind of boxing, right? Because I'd think that would hurt. A lot.
It is that sort of boxing!! BUT: I'm not actually sparring with anyone. I'm just hitting the pads. I can't ever spar--cannot risk getting hit in the head. I probably should have made that clear in my post!! Haha.
Also: Like you, I cannot watch boxing. It's waaaaay too violent. I probably should have made that clear in my post, as well!! But as a workout, it is one of the most beautiful and healing things I've ever experienced!
This is incredibly timely - I had a session with my therapist yesterday where I mentioned a time where the kindness of complete strangers changed my life. My 3 yr old son was in the hospital this past Jan for spinal surgery and had some complications. My mom and I were sitting in the Starbucks at the hospital one morning, crying, and this sweet man came up to me with a pastry and told me that everything was going to be ok. My mom was having a particularly tough time and this big, muscular man just held her and gave her the biggest hug and told her to be strong and that God was with us. The absolute and total kindness of these strangers was so powerful and pure. It touched my soul in ways I never knew existed. It has changed me for the better and now I make a point to show up for people experiencing hard things in the ways I can, because I know that terrible feeling of feeling alone.
Stephanie! What a beautiful story! There truly are some tender, big-hearted souls out there. I'm glad you met up with one during such a vulnerable time. Kindness can be so healing! Is your son doing well now? I hope so!
Hi, I do an exercise called the Epley maneuver to relieve Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo, it helps tremendously.
I've heard that can be incredible when you have the ear crystal vertigo. I'm so glad you found relief! Mine is coming from alignment issues, so that maneuver doesn't help.
Got it, sounded like your situation is much more intense, just had to throw it out there on the rare chance it may help.
Thank you! I appreciate that! And I know it has helped so many people!