One thing that helps is my affirmation: “The time to relax and enjoy is NOW.”
Not when the work and the chores are done, not when I’m on vacation, not when I’m too tired to work, not when I’m dead...NOW. While I am working, doing chores, I can slow down, relax and enjoy. No exceptions. It really helps!
That is a brilliant affirmation! Thank you. I do often engage a similar one and it helps tremendously. Largely because I believe it's true! But in recent times, I've just been flooded with too many things. Some I wrote about; some I didn't. Oof. My nervous system is beginning to feel more settled. So onward.
One thing I definitely need to do is allow one day completely-completely off a week. As you know, I've long admired your discipline around this (two days!) but felt it was something I couldn't achieve. I see clearly now, I have no choice! So that you for being an ongoing inspiration!
My heart hurt when I read this: "I lost sense of my value in the world, and part of me never forgave myself for it."
I don't want to overstep, as I believe this prayer: “I will not rescue you, for you are not powerless. I will not fix you, for you are not broken. I will not heal you, for I see you in your wholeness. I will walk with you through the darkness as you remember your light."
And in that vein I would like to offer, "on the table" something that has given me heart since I was a kid and still makes me smile. My maternal grandmother had a copy of The Desiderata on the back of her 1/2 bathroom door, so that you sat facing it while sitting on the toilet🥰 and I read it so many times it's embedded in my sub-consciousness. But one of the lines that stays with me in my conscious mind is this:
"Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here."
I'm so happy to read "What I am sure about is that last Sunday walking and talking and laughing with my friend felt good. Like good good. I am so deeply grateful, and every ounce of me needs more days like that. So I’m going to make sure they happen." Please do practice the art of extreme self-care✨🌟💖🙏🕊️
Oh, thank you, Camilla! I am extremely gentle and loving with myself. It took a while to get here but it built with an indomitable force. I'm grateful. I still need to sort through some of these imprints, but I'm super kind with myself as I do so!
As an older man, I’m not crazy about Tattoos, so I hesitated to read your article. But I’m glad I did. Now I’m thinking of supporting your efforts. I’m not a lefty “liberal’, but your commentary resonates.
I am a stroke survivor who battles depression. I have had an infectious disease since February that has left me depleted for the last six months. I stopped reading and writing altogether for a good chunk of time. I floundered and missed two of my newsletter deadlines completely because I was too dehydrated to string words into meaningful sentences. No one cared.
But just when I lost my way, I forced myself back to my desk and discovered that, through my client work, I could stage a small comeback. An hour of daily productivity is leading to more, and is making a tremendous difference. The work itself is the reward. And that has made all the difference.
Oh, Priscilla, I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles! It can be so hard to be a human with a body, at times! I'm also glad to hear you're making a comeback. Yes, the work can be so nourishing. I'm glad you have it! I hope you keep feeling better and better!
Jane, thank you for this sharing this. I struggle with how to be in this world and flail between doing and simply being. For now I’ve learned outside is my best elixir, the best quieting of questions. The Monarchs are here as well in my Southern California yard!
I am on the verge of turning 64. I have never been more lonely and unsure about myself in my entire life. Seeking gratitude for what I have and being able to write is a daily struggle. Thank you for this.
Oh, Jeff, I'm sorry to hear that. Life can sometimes be ridiculously hard. I remind myself that everything is impermanent. The good and the bad. So wherever we are now, at some point, we'll cycle out of it!
Officially retired now, but it has been 8 years since MS retired me and that “work ethic” still haunts my life like a hangover. As I still have to sing for my supper to live in the manner I desire, perhaps that is the driver. Writing so often is last on my list of survival strategies.
Oof. That work ethic can be brutal. I think it sings loudest when we are struggling with our health and feel like we're doing something "wrong." I hope you're able to find time for rest. And, yes, writing is often last for me, as well. I hope that changes for both of us!
Thank you so much for this Jane! It covered very beautifully so many of the things I’m experiencing at the moment. The need to keep going so I can earn an income and remain independent, a sometimes completely debilitating illness (Long Covid) which is robbing me of doing the travel and dinners and romance so I can conserve energy to work and do chores, plus also not having anyone to share the labour with.
My trick is to give myself ‘self-compassion’ or restoration time where I block off a few hours and say I can do and feel whatever I want - work and chores can wait. I’ll return to them a better person afterwards.
Ooooh, Alexandra, I'm sorry you're experiencing something so similar. It can be a lot! You described it so perfectly here!
The restoration block is key. I take excellent care of myself in countless ways, but I'm not good at allowing myself some daily downtime. I'm going to shoot for half an hour a day and then one day a week completely off! I hope you're feeling restored soon!
My two puppies and my garden are my go-to when I need recovery from too much go. They are comics, consistently making me laugh. The garden is about barefeet on the ground and communication with the air, light, flowers--and Monarchs, which are coming our wild milkweed very soon.
Yes! Same here. Barefoot as much as possible. I pretty much live in my back garden in the warm weather, alongside my doggie and kitty. It saves me. I didn't get any milkweed this year! But we've had unusual weather. So glad the Monarchs are headed your way!
Thank you for your “engaged but gentle life.” I like to think I have that, too. But I am continually writing out lists of things I need to get to. Occasionally, I'll knock something off the list, but other things rush to take its place.
One practice that is pretty helpful is to make sure you have a Sabbath every week. It's not about going to services so much as just being quiet with yourself. I try to do more reading, and to write poetry.
My assistant living is predominantly Jewish, so I actually have two quiet days each weekend.
Thank you for your kind words, Fran! Yes, one thing gets crossed off and then ten more rush in! I love the ida of creating a weekly Sabbath. In so many many ways, I take excellent care of myself--but allowing myself a full day off is not one of them. But I am inspired by your comment. And that Sunday with Zoeie and the butterflies felt so good. I'm going to shoot for a day of no work each week. Thank you! I hope you keep enjoying yours!
I practice daily gratitude. I always take a break everyday, and I choose my work according to my passions and what I enjoy doing, excel at, etc. I know how to learn so I can improve and work better. My dog is immensely helpful as I trained him to support me with my autoimmune disorder. Balancing pain and energy. I make my decisions accordingly. Bad days I do less, good days I allow myself a ‘longer leash.’
At the end of the day I like to treat myself with my favourites whether it’s a good book, a hot bath, or a movie as a way of thanking myself for choosing me once again.
This is so lovely, JJ! And very inspiring. I have similar practices and they help so so much! But, clearly, sometimes they're not enough. Hah. And what would we do without dogs (and cats!)! One thing I'm not good at, is taking that daily break. So you've inspired me to work that in more diligently! Thank you!
I am so sorry you are feeling burnt out; I almost got there in a previous career, it has taken me a while to learn to find healthier islands and probably still is a work in progress for me. One thing that helps me now is to religiously book a monthly catch up with each of my friends for a healthy morning coffee or lunch and knowing that we are prioritizing our connection as much as unforeseen events allow us to. I used to feel I didn't have time for such luxury, I now realise it is those very moments of laughter, tears, exchange which fuel our mutual well-being and inspiration. It took me a while! Otherwise, my dog-cat purring and interrupting my work reminds me of the utter beauty of nature and that's a daily delight that reminds me to have breaks.
Yes, that is such a good practice, Mya! I used to be better at it. Lately I just feel like there's always something important that needs taking care of. And, well, there is. But, friendship is also soooooo important! And nourishing. And, yes, allow us to do all that we want/need to. And yes to nature and dogs and cats and daily breaks (need to work on that last one!)
Totally relate to the go-go-go....
Oh my gosh, I know you can! I think, if possible, you go more than I do! Here's to some beautiful rest!
One thing that helps is my affirmation: “The time to relax and enjoy is NOW.”
Not when the work and the chores are done, not when I’m on vacation, not when I’m too tired to work, not when I’m dead...NOW. While I am working, doing chores, I can slow down, relax and enjoy. No exceptions. It really helps!
That is a brilliant affirmation! Thank you. I do often engage a similar one and it helps tremendously. Largely because I believe it's true! But in recent times, I've just been flooded with too many things. Some I wrote about; some I didn't. Oof. My nervous system is beginning to feel more settled. So onward.
One thing I definitely need to do is allow one day completely-completely off a week. As you know, I've long admired your discipline around this (two days!) but felt it was something I couldn't achieve. I see clearly now, I have no choice! So that you for being an ongoing inspiration!
I agree Jane there is for a sure such a thing as too many things that no amount of affirmations will resolve. I've been there many times.
So glad to hear you're committed to taking a day off! Yay!!!
Ps love seeing your tattoos! Wowzer!!!
Those are not my tattoos....that's Zoeie, not me!
My heart hurt when I read this: "I lost sense of my value in the world, and part of me never forgave myself for it."
I don't want to overstep, as I believe this prayer: “I will not rescue you, for you are not powerless. I will not fix you, for you are not broken. I will not heal you, for I see you in your wholeness. I will walk with you through the darkness as you remember your light."
And in that vein I would like to offer, "on the table" something that has given me heart since I was a kid and still makes me smile. My maternal grandmother had a copy of The Desiderata on the back of her 1/2 bathroom door, so that you sat facing it while sitting on the toilet🥰 and I read it so many times it's embedded in my sub-consciousness. But one of the lines that stays with me in my conscious mind is this:
"Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here."
I'm so happy to read "What I am sure about is that last Sunday walking and talking and laughing with my friend felt good. Like good good. I am so deeply grateful, and every ounce of me needs more days like that. So I’m going to make sure they happen." Please do practice the art of extreme self-care✨🌟💖🙏🕊️
Oh, thank you, Camilla! I am extremely gentle and loving with myself. It took a while to get here but it built with an indomitable force. I'm grateful. I still need to sort through some of these imprints, but I'm super kind with myself as I do so!
so happy to hear this Jane. May you be well.❤️🙏
As an older man, I’m not crazy about Tattoos, so I hesitated to read your article. But I’m glad I did. Now I’m thinking of supporting your efforts. I’m not a lefty “liberal’, but your commentary resonates.
Oh, thank you, Gary. That means so much! I'm happy to have you here!
Jane,
I am a stroke survivor who battles depression. I have had an infectious disease since February that has left me depleted for the last six months. I stopped reading and writing altogether for a good chunk of time. I floundered and missed two of my newsletter deadlines completely because I was too dehydrated to string words into meaningful sentences. No one cared.
But just when I lost my way, I forced myself back to my desk and discovered that, through my client work, I could stage a small comeback. An hour of daily productivity is leading to more, and is making a tremendous difference. The work itself is the reward. And that has made all the difference.
Oh, Priscilla, I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles! It can be so hard to be a human with a body, at times! I'm also glad to hear you're making a comeback. Yes, the work can be so nourishing. I'm glad you have it! I hope you keep feeling better and better!
Jane, thank you for this sharing this. I struggle with how to be in this world and flail between doing and simply being. For now I’ve learned outside is my best elixir, the best quieting of questions. The Monarchs are here as well in my Southern California yard!
Oh gosh, yes, how to be in this world. Such a conundrum! Yes, Mother Nature is such a healer. And so glad you have the Monarchs there, as well. Yay!
I am on the verge of turning 64. I have never been more lonely and unsure about myself in my entire life. Seeking gratitude for what I have and being able to write is a daily struggle. Thank you for this.
Oh, Jeff, I'm sorry to hear that. Life can sometimes be ridiculously hard. I remind myself that everything is impermanent. The good and the bad. So wherever we are now, at some point, we'll cycle out of it!
Officially retired now, but it has been 8 years since MS retired me and that “work ethic” still haunts my life like a hangover. As I still have to sing for my supper to live in the manner I desire, perhaps that is the driver. Writing so often is last on my list of survival strategies.
Oof. That work ethic can be brutal. I think it sings loudest when we are struggling with our health and feel like we're doing something "wrong." I hope you're able to find time for rest. And, yes, writing is often last for me, as well. I hope that changes for both of us!
Thank you so much for this Jane! It covered very beautifully so many of the things I’m experiencing at the moment. The need to keep going so I can earn an income and remain independent, a sometimes completely debilitating illness (Long Covid) which is robbing me of doing the travel and dinners and romance so I can conserve energy to work and do chores, plus also not having anyone to share the labour with.
My trick is to give myself ‘self-compassion’ or restoration time where I block off a few hours and say I can do and feel whatever I want - work and chores can wait. I’ll return to them a better person afterwards.
Ooooh, Alexandra, I'm sorry you're experiencing something so similar. It can be a lot! You described it so perfectly here!
The restoration block is key. I take excellent care of myself in countless ways, but I'm not good at allowing myself some daily downtime. I'm going to shoot for half an hour a day and then one day a week completely off! I hope you're feeling restored soon!
Interesting. I’m 75. No tattoos. I don’t like the way they look 20 years down the road, but to each his open. Thanks Arthur
My two puppies and my garden are my go-to when I need recovery from too much go. They are comics, consistently making me laugh. The garden is about barefeet on the ground and communication with the air, light, flowers--and Monarchs, which are coming our wild milkweed very soon.
Yes! Same here. Barefoot as much as possible. I pretty much live in my back garden in the warm weather, alongside my doggie and kitty. It saves me. I didn't get any milkweed this year! But we've had unusual weather. So glad the Monarchs are headed your way!
Thank you for your “engaged but gentle life.” I like to think I have that, too. But I am continually writing out lists of things I need to get to. Occasionally, I'll knock something off the list, but other things rush to take its place.
One practice that is pretty helpful is to make sure you have a Sabbath every week. It's not about going to services so much as just being quiet with yourself. I try to do more reading, and to write poetry.
My assistant living is predominantly Jewish, so I actually have two quiet days each weekend.
Thank you for your kind words, Fran! Yes, one thing gets crossed off and then ten more rush in! I love the ida of creating a weekly Sabbath. In so many many ways, I take excellent care of myself--but allowing myself a full day off is not one of them. But I am inspired by your comment. And that Sunday with Zoeie and the butterflies felt so good. I'm going to shoot for a day of no work each week. Thank you! I hope you keep enjoying yours!
I practice daily gratitude. I always take a break everyday, and I choose my work according to my passions and what I enjoy doing, excel at, etc. I know how to learn so I can improve and work better. My dog is immensely helpful as I trained him to support me with my autoimmune disorder. Balancing pain and energy. I make my decisions accordingly. Bad days I do less, good days I allow myself a ‘longer leash.’
At the end of the day I like to treat myself with my favourites whether it’s a good book, a hot bath, or a movie as a way of thanking myself for choosing me once again.
This is so lovely, JJ! And very inspiring. I have similar practices and they help so so much! But, clearly, sometimes they're not enough. Hah. And what would we do without dogs (and cats!)! One thing I'm not good at, is taking that daily break. So you've inspired me to work that in more diligently! Thank you!
Yes, it's not always enough. Sometimes a good cry does it for me 🤷♀️
'Whatever it takes' is my motto.
Glad I could help 🤗❤️
Yes, whatever it takes. xx
I am so sorry you are feeling burnt out; I almost got there in a previous career, it has taken me a while to learn to find healthier islands and probably still is a work in progress for me. One thing that helps me now is to religiously book a monthly catch up with each of my friends for a healthy morning coffee or lunch and knowing that we are prioritizing our connection as much as unforeseen events allow us to. I used to feel I didn't have time for such luxury, I now realise it is those very moments of laughter, tears, exchange which fuel our mutual well-being and inspiration. It took me a while! Otherwise, my dog-cat purring and interrupting my work reminds me of the utter beauty of nature and that's a daily delight that reminds me to have breaks.
Yes, that is such a good practice, Mya! I used to be better at it. Lately I just feel like there's always something important that needs taking care of. And, well, there is. But, friendship is also soooooo important! And nourishing. And, yes, allow us to do all that we want/need to. And yes to nature and dogs and cats and daily breaks (need to work on that last one!)