Dear Jane, thank you for this. Cranialsacral therapy was pivotal in healing trauma for me as I had built a wall around my heart which kept out pain but also love. Healing thoughts your way, Trish
I was just speaking with a friend about that sort of wall!! Cranio helps with so much! Glad it helped you, Trish. And thank you for your kind words! ❤️
Jane, your writing has made your father real to me. What a mensch. The love and trust flower in each piece. Even the most compassionate and well-intentioned people absorb the certainties of their time. I remember when women were sent away for shock treatments for a problem with no name. It happened more than once to the mother of a friend of mine, whom I loved and admired. I chose the friend so I could be near her mother.
He is a mensch! And thanks for your kind words, Rona! And, yes, this happened so often. Versions of it still do, just in a different manner. Your friend's mother was lucky to have you. ❤️
Your words tugged at my heart and made my eyes wet. Your father’s love is inspiring. Your courage is breathtaking. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story ♥️
Jane, this reminds me so much of how my father took care of my mother during her dementia. He wore a shirt and sweater just like your dad's in that photo, in my father's case from Marks & Spencer. Thank you.
That sweater is from Marks & Spencer! I think we are somehow the same person, John! I’m glad your mom had your dad to care for her so lovingly and fiercely.❤️
Our neighbor family in England emigrated to Vancouver when I was about 13. Our mothers stayed in touch through letters. When I moved to Washington, I reconnected with two of the kids. Fifty years ago became like yesterday. We're all children of British parents who lived through the war, now living in the Americas. Our shared intergenerational war trauma, even if we're not consciously aware of it, is more present here where it's set against a contrasting background. That trauma has shaped our DNA in similar ways. No wonder we feel like we're the same person!
Jane, you're gently cracking me open; oiling the rusty hinges and latches on doors and windows I closed a long time ago. ❤️
This is so true! I hadn’t considered it before: Our shared intergenerational war trauma, even if we're not consciously aware of it, is more present here where it's set against a contrasting background.
Oh, I’m glad. I’m only just gently cracking open myself! So will help each other along!
Jane, this is the dearest, life affirming essay I’ve read in a very long time. (I’ve always imagined a caption below that avatar image, arms raised and feet splayed, that reads, “Look out World! I’m here!” Just as you were very much here in this essay. I’ve also always felt warmth and hope from John Lovie’s writing and his care for the almost island upon which he resides.
I could ramble on but won’t. This time. I think the rambling comes from trying to put into words the feelings from my heart. Real writers have that transformation mastered. I’m blessed to observe others who do so. 🙏🏽
What a beautiful story of love, courage, hope and determination. Thank you for sharing your experience of not being believed. So many can relate! Your father was truly a blessing and a testament that it only takes one person to show love and support and help another through adversity. I silently cheered when Dr. Denton discovered the issue and complimented you on your determination. We need more like him. Your story brought me back to the day when my son’s neurologist explained what so many before had missed. I cried with relief that day while sitting in her office, knowing that things could get better. Your story brought those memories to a head and the tears returned- tears of relief and happiness for those who find their way.
Being seen and a correct diagnosis is such such such a relief! You can stop fighting so hard every second of your life. I am glad your son found a good doctor, and that you too have experienced relief. And thank you for your kind words.❤️
Exactly! Thank you. His doctor has been a godsend but the fight still continues. The years of being dismissed took it’s toll and made treatment so much harder. ❤️
Thank you so much for this beautiful sharing of yourself, Jane! And I LOVE that you read it aloud. I have to be mindful about how much I look at screens (due to brain fog and other issues from long Covid), and it was wonderful to be able to immerse myself in your story without taxing my brain by having to read it. I unexpectedly found myself bawling over my breakfast as I listened. I’m familiar with the fear and isolation that can come with illness - especially an illness or injury that doesn’t tidily conform to labels, diagnoses, or expectations. The way you describe your dad’s love, tenderness, and care is so moving. I think there’s a part of me that still needs to grieve that there was no one to do that for me in my worst months. My sister kept me sane and broke the isolation by calling to check on me every single morning for months and months, and that was an incredible gift, but none of my family lived close enough to help with the logistics of keeping myself and my kids alive, and almost everyone was going through some difficulty or drama of their own in the early months of the pandemic. I made it through, but the tears in my yogurt suggest that there’s still some more grieving for me to do! Thank you helping me to feel the things that need to be felt.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Lisa. They mean a lot. And I'm sorry you've not had the experience of a family member helping so directly. It was quite a gift. And I'm so profoundly lucky. Having said that, I understand your experience more intimately than this essay shares. This has been a long, often scary, journey and for much of it I've been quite isolated and carrying it on my own. It's a lot. I deeply deeply understand the need to grieve. Something I am also working on! ♥️
Thank you so much, Jane - for your kind words and for sharing the reality that your challenges have lasted much longer than the few months your dad spent with you. I hope that the head pain you’re experiencing at present abates soon and that an easier stretch awaits you. And of course I also hope the same thing for you that I hope for myself - to continue finding love and wisdom tucked into the folds of all the things we’d rather not have to deal with.
Holy moley, Jane! You were blessed with a brilliant and compassionate Dad and you tell so well how love can be a healing force in our lives. Brain injuries are some real bad stuff and that you made it through those dark and painful times is a tribute to your dogged determination to find a way out of the shadows. We are sending be well wishes and hugs from afar. We look forward to reading more.
I have been struggling with a post about my mind and how it seems to work fairly well and how fragile our brains are and susceptible to damage. I'm not happy with it yet but this encourages me to keep working on it. Thanks!
Thank you Jane for a beautiful story. You were very Blessed with a very caring and compassionate Dad. Too often Drs need to take notice of their patients and/or their relatives instead of traditional medicine. Thank you. 😊
I will thank you as well. I think everyone has said the words I felt about your 80 year old father climbing out of bed and coming to your side. I want to say yay to your mother for suddenly being without her mate and cooking the meals each week to sustain you all. I am 70 and imagining myself 10 years from now… well it seems an incredible gift. I am grateful for your sharing.
Oh Jane! I'm sorry the pain has returned. Thank you for sharing this essay about your dad, it is beautiful. I didn't have a father really, so I'm always delighted to read about wonderful stories such as yours. :)
This brought tears to my eyes. The humanity, the forgiveness, your father’s commitment to you and a quiet, deliberate reckoning with past decisions. So touching. 🤍
How lucky you are to have had a lifetime of love and constant care from your dad! I wish it hadn't had to be offered in such terrible circumstances - you must have suffered so much - but how wonderful that you had someone so steady and present to help you through. Thank you for sharing this beautiful, beautifully written and heart-expanding story. 💕
Dear Jane, thank you for this. Cranialsacral therapy was pivotal in healing trauma for me as I had built a wall around my heart which kept out pain but also love. Healing thoughts your way, Trish
I was just speaking with a friend about that sort of wall!! Cranio helps with so much! Glad it helped you, Trish. And thank you for your kind words! ❤️
Jane, your writing has made your father real to me. What a mensch. The love and trust flower in each piece. Even the most compassionate and well-intentioned people absorb the certainties of their time. I remember when women were sent away for shock treatments for a problem with no name. It happened more than once to the mother of a friend of mine, whom I loved and admired. I chose the friend so I could be near her mother.
He is a mensch! And thanks for your kind words, Rona! And, yes, this happened so often. Versions of it still do, just in a different manner. Your friend's mother was lucky to have you. ❤️
Your words tugged at my heart and made my eyes wet. Your father’s love is inspiring. Your courage is breathtaking. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story ♥️
Oh, thank you, Uma! ♥️
Jane, this reminds me so much of how my father took care of my mother during her dementia. He wore a shirt and sweater just like your dad's in that photo, in my father's case from Marks & Spencer. Thank you.
That sweater is from Marks & Spencer! I think we are somehow the same person, John! I’m glad your mom had your dad to care for her so lovingly and fiercely.❤️
Our neighbor family in England emigrated to Vancouver when I was about 13. Our mothers stayed in touch through letters. When I moved to Washington, I reconnected with two of the kids. Fifty years ago became like yesterday. We're all children of British parents who lived through the war, now living in the Americas. Our shared intergenerational war trauma, even if we're not consciously aware of it, is more present here where it's set against a contrasting background. That trauma has shaped our DNA in similar ways. No wonder we feel like we're the same person!
Jane, you're gently cracking me open; oiling the rusty hinges and latches on doors and windows I closed a long time ago. ❤️
This is so true! I hadn’t considered it before: Our shared intergenerational war trauma, even if we're not consciously aware of it, is more present here where it's set against a contrasting background.
Oh, I’m glad. I’m only just gently cracking open myself! So will help each other along!
We see each other across a crowded room. In the UK, we'd just be part of the crowd.
To the cracks, and to letting the light in!
Jane, this is the dearest, life affirming essay I’ve read in a very long time. (I’ve always imagined a caption below that avatar image, arms raised and feet splayed, that reads, “Look out World! I’m here!” Just as you were very much here in this essay. I’ve also always felt warmth and hope from John Lovie’s writing and his care for the almost island upon which he resides.
I could ramble on but won’t. This time. I think the rambling comes from trying to put into words the feelings from my heart. Real writers have that transformation mastered. I’m blessed to observe others who do so. 🙏🏽
Ooooh, Gary, thank you! Your words have deeply touched my heart. ❤️
What a beautiful story of love, courage, hope and determination. Thank you for sharing your experience of not being believed. So many can relate! Your father was truly a blessing and a testament that it only takes one person to show love and support and help another through adversity. I silently cheered when Dr. Denton discovered the issue and complimented you on your determination. We need more like him. Your story brought me back to the day when my son’s neurologist explained what so many before had missed. I cried with relief that day while sitting in her office, knowing that things could get better. Your story brought those memories to a head and the tears returned- tears of relief and happiness for those who find their way.
Being seen and a correct diagnosis is such such such a relief! You can stop fighting so hard every second of your life. I am glad your son found a good doctor, and that you too have experienced relief. And thank you for your kind words.❤️
Exactly! Thank you. His doctor has been a godsend but the fight still continues. The years of being dismissed took it’s toll and made treatment so much harder. ❤️
Same. ❤️
Thank you so much for this beautiful sharing of yourself, Jane! And I LOVE that you read it aloud. I have to be mindful about how much I look at screens (due to brain fog and other issues from long Covid), and it was wonderful to be able to immerse myself in your story without taxing my brain by having to read it. I unexpectedly found myself bawling over my breakfast as I listened. I’m familiar with the fear and isolation that can come with illness - especially an illness or injury that doesn’t tidily conform to labels, diagnoses, or expectations. The way you describe your dad’s love, tenderness, and care is so moving. I think there’s a part of me that still needs to grieve that there was no one to do that for me in my worst months. My sister kept me sane and broke the isolation by calling to check on me every single morning for months and months, and that was an incredible gift, but none of my family lived close enough to help with the logistics of keeping myself and my kids alive, and almost everyone was going through some difficulty or drama of their own in the early months of the pandemic. I made it through, but the tears in my yogurt suggest that there’s still some more grieving for me to do! Thank you helping me to feel the things that need to be felt.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Lisa. They mean a lot. And I'm sorry you've not had the experience of a family member helping so directly. It was quite a gift. And I'm so profoundly lucky. Having said that, I understand your experience more intimately than this essay shares. This has been a long, often scary, journey and for much of it I've been quite isolated and carrying it on my own. It's a lot. I deeply deeply understand the need to grieve. Something I am also working on! ♥️
Thank you so much, Jane - for your kind words and for sharing the reality that your challenges have lasted much longer than the few months your dad spent with you. I hope that the head pain you’re experiencing at present abates soon and that an easier stretch awaits you. And of course I also hope the same thing for you that I hope for myself - to continue finding love and wisdom tucked into the folds of all the things we’d rather not have to deal with.
Holy moley, Jane! You were blessed with a brilliant and compassionate Dad and you tell so well how love can be a healing force in our lives. Brain injuries are some real bad stuff and that you made it through those dark and painful times is a tribute to your dogged determination to find a way out of the shadows. We are sending be well wishes and hugs from afar. We look forward to reading more.
I have been struggling with a post about my mind and how it seems to work fairly well and how fragile our brains are and susceptible to damage. I'm not happy with it yet but this encourages me to keep working on it. Thanks!
Thank you so so much, Gary. Yes, a combination of love and dogged determination! And keep working on the essay! Sometimes it can take awhile! ♥️
Such beautiful writing and so poignant too. A tribute to father daughter trust that got you thru such a painful time. Thank you for sharing. 🙏🏻❤️👍
Oh, thank you, Sue! I wouldn’t have made it through without your love and support, as well. I need to write an essay about us.❤️
I think we could write an essay together in conversation!! Love you!
Great story. Wonderful Dad!
Thank you! I agree! ❤️
"Beloved daughter" is in my consciousness right now so this was a particularly tender read for me. Thank you. ♥️
I’m so glad! ❤️
Thank you Jane for a beautiful story. You were very Blessed with a very caring and compassionate Dad. Too often Drs need to take notice of their patients and/or their relatives instead of traditional medicine. Thank you. 😊
Thank you, Anne. I am very blessed indeed. ❤️
I will thank you as well. I think everyone has said the words I felt about your 80 year old father climbing out of bed and coming to your side. I want to say yay to your mother for suddenly being without her mate and cooking the meals each week to sustain you all. I am 70 and imagining myself 10 years from now… well it seems an incredible gift. I am grateful for your sharing.
Jan
Aw, thank you, Jan! And you’re right about my mom. She was also a tremendous gift to me during that time.❤️
Oh Jane! I'm sorry the pain has returned. Thank you for sharing this essay about your dad, it is beautiful. I didn't have a father really, so I'm always delighted to read about wonderful stories such as yours. :)
Thank you, Mesa! And I so appreciate your delight! ❤️
This brought tears to my eyes. The humanity, the forgiveness, your father’s commitment to you and a quiet, deliberate reckoning with past decisions. So touching. 🤍
Thank you so much, Kimberly! ❤️
That you can remember that drive down to the daffodils! Stunning piece.
I do remember them because they gave me hope! Thank you, Tina! ♥️
How lucky you are to have had a lifetime of love and constant care from your dad! I wish it hadn't had to be offered in such terrible circumstances - you must have suffered so much - but how wonderful that you had someone so steady and present to help you through. Thank you for sharing this beautiful, beautifully written and heart-expanding story. 💕
Thank you so much, Michelle, for your kind words! Yes, I'm very lucky! ♥️