Notice The Nice

The Body, Brain, and Books: Eleven Questions with writer and actor Alex Dobrenko

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Alex Dobrenko`

was born in Odesa, Ukraine and moved to America when he was 7 years old. He's a writer, comedian and actor but mostly he's just a lil guy.

These days, Alex is best known for his popular comedic newsletter

Both Are True

, where he writes absurd, honest, and deeply vulnerable personal essays. 

You can catch Alex in the films KIMI from Steven Soderbergh and BABYLON from Damien Chazelle. He's also made a few sort of viral comedy videos if you're into that sort of thing. 

He lives in L.A. with his wife Lauren, son Wilder, and gremlin dog Robert. He and Lauren are expecting another child soon, actually the baby is probably here by the time you are reading this. Wish him luck, he needs it

1. What are you reading now?

I'm deep into a bender of Jennifer Egan's back catalog right now. I just finished The Keep and Look At Me and am currently halfway through The Invisible Circus. She does with prose what great comedians do with jokes - point out the things we didn’t know we knew. 

2. What are your most beloved books from your youth? Did you ever hide any from your parents? ]

More than any specific book, I was a big fan of the "bring home a pancake stack of 30 books" after our weekly visits to the local library. I'd skim a few, maybe, but that was neither here nor there. Point is, I'd brought ‘em home so I'd basically read ‘em. Probably a lot to unpack there but I’m far too busy reading this latest stack of library books…

I didn't keep much from my parents. In fact I feared that keeping anything from them would destroy me, so I wrote down little lists of every 'bad thought' I had and would read them to my dad at night. This, I now know, is called OCD.

3. What's your favorite book to reread? Any that helped you through a dark time? 

Anything by Lorrie Moore or Kurt Vonnegut. And "Finite and Infinite Games" by James Carse.

Not a book, but a piece of internet comedy that I just rediscovered and is definitely helping me through the darkness - the 2008 "seven legged spider" meme. It's so good.  It's basically the back and forth of a dude trying to pay a $233.95 bill with a picture of a seven-legged spider. The woman at the company tells him he can't pay with the attached image of the spider and then he replies asking her to send it back to him. And then she does. It’s just so funny.

So much of my comedic voice, I’m realizing now, can be traced back to this email exchange. 

4. What’s an article of clothing that makes you feel most like you?

One of my best friends Quinn describes my style as "slouch social" which basically means wearing whatever sweatpants, lounge pants, waffle shirts, and t-shirts Everlane had on super sale last Christmas. Like athleisure without the athlete. Wearing stuff like that makes me feel cozy and wearing anything else makes me feel dumb.

Actually, when I was a kid, I'd judge my parents for always wearing matching sweatshirts and sweatpants and making me wear the same. I thought it made us stand out as big time immigrants who had no clue how to dress in America (we moved to the states from Ukraine when I was seven in ‘94). Turns out they were pioneers of the very slouch social I now love.

5. What’s the best piece of wisdom you've encountered recently?

My two year old son loves being cozy on the couch. He'll go, "dada you want blanket?" and I'll say "ya" and he says "okay sure" which makes me laugh so hard cuz there's a little "if you insist" tone to it even though he was the one that asked. Once he's got us both under the blanket cuddled real close he'll just look at me and say, "this is so nice."

There's something so pure about it, like I can tell he really means it. This IS really nice, but that's not something I spend much time thinking about. And then this little philosopher king baby calls it like he sees it and it's like, yea dude this is really nice. What could be nicer? And yet I'm still spending most of the really nice time thinking about other dumb shit and doing anything but savoring the niceness of it all. So, yea. The wisdom is to notice the nice.

6. Tell me about any special relationship you’ve had with an animal, domestic or wild?

I've only ever had one pet - a terrier mutt goofball named Robert. He’s the king of cuddles and he hates fun. Anytime two people high five in his presence, he barks. Same goes for running around the house. Lately he’s also become terrified of wind. I love him regardless, though sometimes I just wish he’d chill. Mellow out. Enjoy the ride. 

Whenever he goes to the vet, the silence of the house is haunting. Where are his pitter patters? His barks? Love that dude. 

7. What's one thing you are happy worked out differently than you expected?

Haha I mean, my entire life? I wanted to be a big successful actor writer in Hollywood. Had that worked out like I wanted, I'da never started writing. Same goes for becoming a standup - I wanted that so bad but if it'd happened, I would spend most of the year away from my family. 

I like to plan ahead, so I started worrying about all the time away from family the same week I started doing standup. Lauren gently reminded me that I needed to first become successful before that was a concern. 

8. Singing in the shower or dancing in the kitchen? Or another favorite way your body expresses itself?

I'm a dancer when the house is empty. The moves just happen. Electricity through my limbs. I always think to myself, 'damn I'm really good at this, I should become a dancer it's clear I have a natural talent at it like the music just moves through me.' This is embarrassing.

9. What are your hopes for yourself?

I hope to continue letting go of what I believe ought to happen so that I may be surprised by what actually is. Also I wanna become a famous writer lol.

10. Whats a kindness that changed your life?

When we came here from Ukraine, I didn't know jack diddly about how to speak English. There was this ESL teacher at my elementary school who put signs up all around the classroom of every object in English and in Russian. Chalkboard, clock, desk- everything. I have no idea how to say any of those words in Russian anymore, but the English definitely stuck.  

11. Whats a guiding force in your life?

Comedy. Finding the funny is my love language. It's how I cope with and make sense of the world. Plus there's no better sound than other people's laughter. Does that sound creepy it's not supposed to be creepy.

Meet me in the comment section

Are you on a book bender? Anyone else keep a list of ‘bad thoughts’? Thoughts on that cute little seven-legged spider?! What nice have you noticed lately? How are your dancing skills? Any teachers who helped you through challenging times?