Move a Little Closer to What’s Already Here
The Body, Brain, and Books: Eleven Questions with writer, artist, and photographer Josie George
Welcome to another edition of The Body, Brain, & Books. If you enjoy reading these quick, insightful interviews brimming with wisdom and hope, please subscribe to Beyond.
What are you reading now?
I am currently working my way through the collected works of Eckhart Tolle alongside Stephen Erikson’s epic The Malazan Book of the Fallen fantasy series, which might be about the daftest juxtaposition possible but, hey, a girl can love mindfulness AND dragons.
What are your most beloved books from your youth? Did you ever hide any from your parents?
I loved the Narnia books (I still check every wardrobe), Susan Cooper’s The Dark Is Rising series, the Moomins, Ursula K Le Guin’s The Wizard of Earthsea, Watership Down. I loved magic and escape and adventure and books that weren’t afraid to tell children about darkness because I knew all about that too. As long as it looked like a children’s book, I could get away with reading whatever I wanted from the library, but as I got older, I remember hiding more books – Stephen King and Anne Rice books particularly – as they had disturbing covers and I knew my mother who feared ‘evil, corrupting things’ would disapprove of them. When I was a young teenager in hospital for a long time, one of the student nurses gave me her copy of Margaret Atwood’s A Handmaid’s Tale which I hid in my hospital locker and read between visiting hours.
What’s your favorite book to reread? Any that helped you through a dark time?
My falling-apart copy of Writing Down The Bones by Natalie Goldberg now boasts highlighter marks of at least three different colours from various careful rereads. When I felt like a human dam filling up with more and more pain and feeling, like my bones and skin might crack under all the pressure and my throat felt constantly sore from all the thoughts I wasn’t sure how to express, Natalie gave me an answer: write it down. When I thought my life was over, I also read Pema Chödrön’s How To Fall Apart and her gentle voice led me firmly but gently onto a path of psychological healing that I’ve been exploring ever since.
What’s an article of clothing that makes you feel most like you?
Ooh, gosh - I struggle with clothes! I’ve always felt like I’m wearing the wrong things and have never quite found a style that feels like ‘me’. I honestly can’t think of a single thing. It doesn’t help that shopping makes me freeze up like a frightened fox in a car headlight. I have so many other ways of expressing myself now though that it doesn’t feel like it matters much; I just find fashion baffling. I will probably look a bit of an awkward jumble for the rest of my life and that’s fine.
What’s the best piece of wisdom you've encountered recently?
“Josie, put your phone down and go to sleep.”
Tell me about any special relationship you’ve had with an animal, domestic or wild?
I once watched a large female garden spider build, repair and remake her web over the course of a month in my back garden. It was one of the most gently moving experiences of my life and taught me so much about patience, tenacity, resilience. I wrote about it here, if you’d like to read the story.
What's one thing you are happy worked out differently than you expected?
Fifteen years ago, my young marriage imploded before I’d even reached the age thirty, and as a result of my own confusion, panic and trauma as much as anything else, I found myself as a single mother to my two year old son. I was too unwell to work and profoundly broke, desperately trying not to relapse while holding together some kind of meaningful, creative life, stuck on Income Support with no real hope or prospects. Shame ran all through me like a deep vein through rock and I secretly feared and suspected that I would remain alone and in poverty for the rest of my life – and that I probably deserved to. It took a long time, but thankfully, none of these things turned out to be true.
Singing in the shower or dancing in the kitchen? Or another favorite way your body expresses itself?
This is a difficult one to answer. I have been disabled by a whole range of painful, clamouring, poorly-understood illnesses since I was a very young child and can only remember a handful of dream-like times when I was pain-free, felt strong and well and could move freely. I have rarely felt like I had control over my own body; more like I lived inside a wild animal. My breath though, that is one thing I can steer and shape, so we so do that together, me and my body - it sings its loud, wild, intense song, and I breathe alongside it in a kind of duet.
What are your hopes for yourself?
All I want, really, is to get better and better at being right where I am. I used to burn so hot with envy and ambition, it nearly destroyed me. These days, I’m more interested in what happens if I give up the idea of hope altogether and instead move a little closer to what’s already here.
What’s a kindness that changed your life?
At the time in my life when I was very much alone with no real friends, getting sicker and sicker, a local school mum invited me round for a coffee. She’s been my best friend and sister ever since. I often think that her love and good-humour kept my heart open at a time it could have very easily turned to stone, and from that love, all sorts of others got to grow.
What’s a guiding force in your life?
My meditation practice. I know it’s a cliche, but it really did save my life, or save my mind, anyway. I sit and breathe every day, twice a day if I can, for as long as I can, and in doing so, I find my way out of so many of the meaningless, destructive mental traps and unhelpful stories I might otherwise be ruled by. When I meditate, I get to reawaken to a world that’s calling out for my attention, my love, my good humour. I get to remember my real, honest life.
If you enjoyed Josie’s questionnaire, you may also enjoy this one with Amy Ferris:
This interview is fresh air and sunshine, and that's the highest praise I can give to anything.
Glad to have found my way here, thanks to Josie. Wonderful questions and looking forward to delving into your previous interviews!