Thank you. Just thank you. As I often say to my clients 'Some people need to grieve losing the love of their life, and some people have to grieve never having found them'. Beautiful xxxx
Thanks for this-- it is truly beautiful. You capture that weird, sad Siberia between the conscious end of a marriage and what finally comes after. And for what it is worth, I think thoughtful, slow-baked essays that show emotional and intellectual work on the page are very much worth the wait. They have their own timeline, and respecting it elevates the work, and the reader.
Powerful impact, Jane, and Iike so many of us who were deeply in love and then, we weren't, we still carry many memories of good times with good people. And, when you have children who go through the trauma of "losing" a parent and trying to stay in touch with both of them, it can get more complicated. My first marriage was 35 years, not exactly a failed relationship, and this second one is now on year 28. It's not the length of time but the qualities of shared lives that help make these relationships worthwhile. And, you are spot on about humor, warmth and caring, and facing the truth.
When my first wife and I decided it was time to end it, I remember her saying, "I didn't think this would be how it would end." I didn't ask her how she imagined it would end. I have a good idea how this one will end and we have some plans for that event. Until then, we are grateful and glad for our continuing adventures of sharing, caring, loving, laughing and living. Thanks, Jane, as you always enrich the conversations about what is meaningful and worthwhile.
I love your writing because I trust it, completely, even when it takes me places I might not want to go. I always know that I'm being cared for, and that I won't be left shivering alone. That, instead, I'll be left with a deep sense of not just the pain, but always the sweetness, that fills our lives.
I feel like so many men carry a deep sense of being lost, of having to roam on and on in search of something elusive, refusing to ground into anything stable and refusing to let love in fully. And I'm saying that from a place of deepest compassion. The interplay between yin and yang in our modern Western society is just OFF... the essentially yin capacity to hold space for embracing all feelings, including the most terrifying despair and loneliness (and thereby transmuting them into deep strength and belonging), needs a revival - in all genders, and it needs to manifest in our institutions and practices, too. Beautiful story!
There’s a strong emotion when I read the moments in that cab journey and the act of letting go of the handle. When you know you have to trust that feeling. We don’t always do what we want to but what we have to. I can imagine this being difficult to write for what it brought up. Thank you for sharing a real life story without nonsense and including the Wintour reaction.
I’m sitting on the floor in exquisite silence... the mist rising across the lake...my cathedral. This resonates and deftly pulls at the delicate stitches that are holding my heart together as it continues to become whole again. Thank you for this moment and your magnificent words.❤️🩹
This is such a thoughtful, provocative, and tender-hearted essay. It’s beautifully written and makes me ache for that young couple. Thanks so much for writing/sharing, Jane ❤️
Thank you. Just thank you. As I often say to my clients 'Some people need to grieve losing the love of their life, and some people have to grieve never having found them'. Beautiful xxxx
So beautifully real. Thank you.
I loved all of that.x
This brought back so many memories of my own divorce. Not as difficult since we didn't even like one another by that time. Still, it was hard.
Thanks for this-- it is truly beautiful. You capture that weird, sad Siberia between the conscious end of a marriage and what finally comes after. And for what it is worth, I think thoughtful, slow-baked essays that show emotional and intellectual work on the page are very much worth the wait. They have their own timeline, and respecting it elevates the work, and the reader.
Your beautiful words made me cry this Thursday morning, but the good kind of cry that cleanses and heals. Thank you <3
Powerful impact, Jane, and Iike so many of us who were deeply in love and then, we weren't, we still carry many memories of good times with good people. And, when you have children who go through the trauma of "losing" a parent and trying to stay in touch with both of them, it can get more complicated. My first marriage was 35 years, not exactly a failed relationship, and this second one is now on year 28. It's not the length of time but the qualities of shared lives that help make these relationships worthwhile. And, you are spot on about humor, warmth and caring, and facing the truth.
When my first wife and I decided it was time to end it, I remember her saying, "I didn't think this would be how it would end." I didn't ask her how she imagined it would end. I have a good idea how this one will end and we have some plans for that event. Until then, we are grateful and glad for our continuing adventures of sharing, caring, loving, laughing and living. Thanks, Jane, as you always enrich the conversations about what is meaningful and worthwhile.
I love your writing because I trust it, completely, even when it takes me places I might not want to go. I always know that I'm being cared for, and that I won't be left shivering alone. That, instead, I'll be left with a deep sense of not just the pain, but always the sweetness, that fills our lives.
I feel like so many men carry a deep sense of being lost, of having to roam on and on in search of something elusive, refusing to ground into anything stable and refusing to let love in fully. And I'm saying that from a place of deepest compassion. The interplay between yin and yang in our modern Western society is just OFF... the essentially yin capacity to hold space for embracing all feelings, including the most terrifying despair and loneliness (and thereby transmuting them into deep strength and belonging), needs a revival - in all genders, and it needs to manifest in our institutions and practices, too. Beautiful story!
Haunting and compelling and authentic. Thank you for sharing it.
There’s a strong emotion when I read the moments in that cab journey and the act of letting go of the handle. When you know you have to trust that feeling. We don’t always do what we want to but what we have to. I can imagine this being difficult to write for what it brought up. Thank you for sharing a real life story without nonsense and including the Wintour reaction.
I’m sitting on the floor in exquisite silence... the mist rising across the lake...my cathedral. This resonates and deftly pulls at the delicate stitches that are holding my heart together as it continues to become whole again. Thank you for this moment and your magnificent words.❤️🩹
It's sad and it's sweet, and I knew it complete when I wore a younger (wo)man's clothes. You captured it for many of us.
This is such a thoughtful, provocative, and tender-hearted essay. It’s beautifully written and makes me ache for that young couple. Thanks so much for writing/sharing, Jane ❤️
I've been at that point at the taxi door a few times now, still married. This was beautiful & sad~life♡