On reclaiming ambition and desire, deciding not to forgive, and taking ownership of your life
At 11:30 this morning, I’m going into what may be the hardest conversation I’ve had to have in five years.
Never (ever) have I needed to read anything as much as I needed to read this right now.
Thank you Kemi Nekvapil and Jane Ratcliffe for sharing the write words at the right time.
Thank you for this beautiful and powerful interview. I want to box it up and put it on a shelf where I can reach it and read it every time I need her wisdom and insight. I will go plant some bulbs. And I will try not to edit as I write those first drafts.
Boundaries! I've spent the last two years learning how to set boundaries and then enforce them. While it's been one of the hardest practices I've ever taken up, it's resulted in improved physical and emotional health, deep appreciation of relationships, accomplishments and experiences, and an enhanced ability to be present, joyful and grateful. "Boundaries are a way of wearing our dignity on our sleeves" is absolutely right!
Wow, what a powerful interview. Kemi Nekvapil said so many amazing things. For example, " 'never trust anyone who speaks down to low paid hospitality staff.' What a great way to filter people!" A great insight. But the whole interview was full of them. Thank you!
First off, amazing interview! I'll be looking up her books! I really appreciated her thoughts on forgiveness (or not forgiving). I've been thinking about it lately on my hikes and I'll be writing an article on my substack about it. When to forgive and why, or not at all as you suggested. I feel more confident writing my ideas now that I know not forgiving is an option (or at least socially acceptable).
Loved this and restacked it. I also bookmarked the link so I can reread it later. Great interview!
Love your questions! For me, the key to owning my wounding is also owning my joy and innocence. Toggling is something I do as part of my journey. I may spend a bit of time on being present with whatever is arising that is uncomfortable, but I find it is only as productive as the level of the higher aspect of my own love and acceptance I bring to it. As a result it may serve me to dance, sing, take a walk or taking a up a load of laundry, or standing barefoot on the earth or listening to something that retunes me something higher. Boundaries: in my experience, those who need them most cannot honor them. So it is more about boundaries in terms of ourselves and where we show up - how masterful we can be if we DO engage and how/when to stop engaging, choose not to at all etc. The power of non-response or compassionate presence without reacting to the the content someone brings if it's coming from their projections is a practice for me. With people who CAN honor boundaries, they simply guide the flow of the river. Telling my son I need some time and space for myself - he is wonderful when I do that, as I did the other day. Forgiveness cannot be forced but we can nurture our own healing and offer a space in which it may arise when ready. The less we force it, the more it CAN arise. I recently forgave my mother. My father, I have not yet. I have deep compassion for him, but I cannot force it. It will happen soon, I hope and feel. Who have I lifted up? Ah, this question makes me happy. I live life in openess to oppotunities to do this everyday and it is my greatest joy how the divine choreography goes. I really cannot take credit other than showing up. Yesterday, a family in line for coffee...baby, grandma, mom, dad...and a doctor who saw hubby and me on our date...she has a new job capacity and has the power to be a positive influencer in a space that has some strategies that aren't serving doctors or their patients well and to move the dial toward wellbeing. I gave her a hug and said, "You can do this."
This is my favorite interview ever. So much wisdom, so much power, so much beauty, so much heart. I love the way Kemi embodies her power and vulnerability and directs it at creating beauty in her own life and for our wholeness as a collective...BEAUTIFUL!
Boundaries and forgiveness (or lack thereof), in the context of your questions, go hand in hand for me. Like Kim commented here too, I’ve spent the last year learning how to set “loving boundaries,” as my therapist puts it. In the case with one particular friendship, establishing boundaries meant breaking off the relationship completely, for reasons that I’m not in a position to forgive, at least as yet. And that’s ok. I feel better, and liberated, after years. On other fronts, my journey with loving boundaries has triggered a mixed bag of reactions. With those who have not reacted so well, it truly has required the utmost vulnerability on my part, or “wearing my dignity on my sleeves.” I’m still growing comfortable with this process. Which means I’m not comfortable just yet, but I’m engaged with a process of growth, and that’s all that matters.
This was such a lovely, thoughtful, inspiring interview. I feel like I was given a gift this morning- thank you both! The section on forgiveness and ownership of, “I will not forgive” resonated with me as my decision that forgiveness was optional helped me survive a difficult divorce, but is antithetical to most people’s expectations (and they aren’t shy about telling you why you are wrong to “withhold” forgiveness). This is a Substack I will be sharing - thank you again for this gift.