I am a psychologist who's practice is called About Motherhood. It is my life work and I have been doing it for about three decades. It was started because when I became a mother, huge parts of me were lost, and there was no language except a “ what's wrong with me” inadequacy. I wrote my doctoral dissertation on the subject, and found my way out through my firm belief that someone who loved her kid as much as I did was NOT inadequate. Slowly I designed a practice that teaches mom's to deconstruct social messaging that is deeply internalized, over generations, across societies.
All this to say...Cindy Lamothe, my deepest bow to you; for your inner work to find that love is the only way out, and your fantastic ability to language your journey. I would recommend this article for every mother. Thank you🙏🏽.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your own experience. The work you're doing is so important and I wish I'd had a resource like that when I was a new mom. So many of us are left out in the dark with motherhood, so I really appreciate when others share their stories.
I keep this small tint of items from childhood and teen years mostly photos and old movie ticket stubs. But always a favorite image of this friend and I-- because it was timeless and I wanna hold onto that memory forever
In her essay, Cindy captures what I experienced when I was pregnant and ater, after giving birth to my son. I had no words for the metamorphosis then. I was only 18. I remember losing the tenuous hold I had on myself and periods of suspension, or waiting,. I later told a friend that I was not only giving birth to my son , he was somehow giving birth to me, or at least the next version of me.
I tried, years ago, to put it into words. I never liked how it came out. I wasn't ready yet. I wonder if the moment has passed? I think not. The person I became after bearing and giving birth to my son is still who I am now but whittled, sculpted, shaped by the years and other transformative experiences. I often wonder who I would be if I'd never had him or let myself be "lost" back then.
I bought a crate and barrel desk as my first piece of furniture. It didn’t cost a lot but at the time I wasn’t working and also was living in someone else’s house for 6 years. I wanted a place to sit to write. Still love this desk and keep it in my living room instead of the office. Thank you this beautiful piece of writing
Certain pieces of furniture can hold so much of our memories and even our soul! I'm glad you still have your treasured desk. And I'm glad you enjoyed Cindy's gorgeous writing.
Cindy, this is beyond beautiful, tender, and poignant. What a gift you have to express these oh so intangible emotions. I will share widely. So moved by this essay. Thank you. And thank you Jane, for sharing it with your readers.
Cindy's words about those early days, weeks and months of motherhood resonate so strongly with me. Sadly, I didn't find the insight, support nor the strength to see any of the good in it and struggled hugely including suffering from post-natal depression. I was so very glad to get back to work at
the end of my 8-week maternity leave, I buried myself back in my work which had up until then defined me as an individual. Fortunately, I started to have a relationship with my son when he was about three and we have a lovely relationship now (he's 25). But I lost a piece of myself forever and I still don't know how to get it back. Plus, I feel so lacking as a mother and guilty guilty guilty about all my shortcomings in that role of my life. I am glad to see so much more support for new mothers today in the area of mental health, not everyone is a natural mother, it was all so foreign and stressful for me.
Oh, Louise, that sounds stressful and sad and very hard. I'm sorry you experienced that without support. I'm so glad you and your son now have such a beautiful relationship. Perhaps some of that came from what you learned during those difficult years?? I dislike when people try to put happy spins on hardships I've endured so that's not my intention. But I wonder if a deep appreciation and understanding grew from that.
And I understand about losing a piece of yourself. Oof. And about the profound guilt. Different reasons for me but similar outcome. I know its cliche but I do my best to remind myself that I was doing the very very very very very best I could. The Very Best. And I hug myself loads. Say mountains of sweet things. Do some EFT. Go for a walk with my dog or pet my kitty. Eat chocolate. It helps. But guilt can be so sticky, can't it? I'm glad Cindy's words resonated with you.
Hi Louise, thank you so much for reading and sharing your own experience. I definitely want to say that this piece was a work in progress over the course of 7 years. I've struggled with prenatal, postpartum, and ongoing depression overall so I know exactly what you're talking about with feeling tremendous guilt as a parent. I do think that as mothers we can be our own worst critics because one of my good friends constantly tells me that when I look back on these years, I'll realize how much of a good mom I actually was. And I'm sure it's the same for you. Depression is a beast—even more so after having kids. That's why I really believe in writing and sharing these stories so that others know they are far from alone. More than anything, I wish I'd given myself more grace during that time, more grace even now. So many hugs to you and your heart <3
I love how delicately these words are woven together and seem to somehow embrace all of our human struggles and complexities. Thank you for sharing this ❤️
This is beautiful- and so important that these stories reach the world. The vastness of what we go through in becoming mothers can not be underestimated. The line ‘You are still you’ was good for me to hear. Thanks Cindy.
This piece is so profoundly touching that it brings new meaning to interior design; the moving of the 'desk' into the room of one's own which made me think that it was an interior space and the womb of one's one. I find this piece is incredibly settling in that it blends the shift we go through as parents of our children, and parents of ourselves as children-grown. Cindy's words had me playing with words, as evidenced here in my response. And it won't stop as I consider what went into the peace of the piece and her inner and in-her self. I became mesmerized by the prose-full way with which Lamothe accounts for her lifeforce.
I love the way you interpret this and add in your own beautiful insight. Thank you so much for doing such a profound reading and sharing your thoughts here. xo
I am a psychologist who's practice is called About Motherhood. It is my life work and I have been doing it for about three decades. It was started because when I became a mother, huge parts of me were lost, and there was no language except a “ what's wrong with me” inadequacy. I wrote my doctoral dissertation on the subject, and found my way out through my firm belief that someone who loved her kid as much as I did was NOT inadequate. Slowly I designed a practice that teaches mom's to deconstruct social messaging that is deeply internalized, over generations, across societies.
All this to say...Cindy Lamothe, my deepest bow to you; for your inner work to find that love is the only way out, and your fantastic ability to language your journey. I would recommend this article for every mother. Thank you🙏🏽.
Wow, your journeys sound so similar. I love that you created a practice around this topic. How beautiful. And necessary.
I'm glad you enjoyed Cindy's essay. It is quite exquisite!
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your own experience. The work you're doing is so important and I wish I'd had a resource like that when I was a new mom. So many of us are left out in the dark with motherhood, so I really appreciate when others share their stories.
I keep this small tint of items from childhood and teen years mostly photos and old movie ticket stubs. But always a favorite image of this friend and I-- because it was timeless and I wanna hold onto that memory forever
Oooh, that's so beautiful! I'm glad you have those. I have old concert stubs. They're so fun to go through!
I love that word "Timeless." Absolutely agree. xo
In her essay, Cindy captures what I experienced when I was pregnant and ater, after giving birth to my son. I had no words for the metamorphosis then. I was only 18. I remember losing the tenuous hold I had on myself and periods of suspension, or waiting,. I later told a friend that I was not only giving birth to my son , he was somehow giving birth to me, or at least the next version of me.
Oh gosh, how beautifully put, Elizabeth. Have you written about that?
I tried, years ago, to put it into words. I never liked how it came out. I wasn't ready yet. I wonder if the moment has passed? I think not. The person I became after bearing and giving birth to my son is still who I am now but whittled, sculpted, shaped by the years and other transformative experiences. I often wonder who I would be if I'd never had him or let myself be "lost" back then.
The moment is never passed! Just, as you so beautifully note, offered through a different lens. Write it!
OOF, that is a gorgeous way of putting it. Yesss our children also give birth to us, too.
I bought a crate and barrel desk as my first piece of furniture. It didn’t cost a lot but at the time I wasn’t working and also was living in someone else’s house for 6 years. I wanted a place to sit to write. Still love this desk and keep it in my living room instead of the office. Thank you this beautiful piece of writing
Certain pieces of furniture can hold so much of our memories and even our soul! I'm glad you still have your treasured desk. And I'm glad you enjoyed Cindy's gorgeous writing.
It's so nice to hear other's doing this, too. Thank you for reading <3
Cindy, this is beyond beautiful, tender, and poignant. What a gift you have to express these oh so intangible emotions. I will share widely. So moved by this essay. Thank you. And thank you Jane, for sharing it with your readers.
I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing! 🌸
Thank you so much Julie—for both reading and leaving this kind & thoughtful comment. I so appreciate your words and shares! xo
Cindy's words about those early days, weeks and months of motherhood resonate so strongly with me. Sadly, I didn't find the insight, support nor the strength to see any of the good in it and struggled hugely including suffering from post-natal depression. I was so very glad to get back to work at
the end of my 8-week maternity leave, I buried myself back in my work which had up until then defined me as an individual. Fortunately, I started to have a relationship with my son when he was about three and we have a lovely relationship now (he's 25). But I lost a piece of myself forever and I still don't know how to get it back. Plus, I feel so lacking as a mother and guilty guilty guilty about all my shortcomings in that role of my life. I am glad to see so much more support for new mothers today in the area of mental health, not everyone is a natural mother, it was all so foreign and stressful for me.
Oh, Louise, that sounds stressful and sad and very hard. I'm sorry you experienced that without support. I'm so glad you and your son now have such a beautiful relationship. Perhaps some of that came from what you learned during those difficult years?? I dislike when people try to put happy spins on hardships I've endured so that's not my intention. But I wonder if a deep appreciation and understanding grew from that.
And I understand about losing a piece of yourself. Oof. And about the profound guilt. Different reasons for me but similar outcome. I know its cliche but I do my best to remind myself that I was doing the very very very very very best I could. The Very Best. And I hug myself loads. Say mountains of sweet things. Do some EFT. Go for a walk with my dog or pet my kitty. Eat chocolate. It helps. But guilt can be so sticky, can't it? I'm glad Cindy's words resonated with you.
Thanks Jane, yes I do need to do more self care.
Hi Louise, thank you so much for reading and sharing your own experience. I definitely want to say that this piece was a work in progress over the course of 7 years. I've struggled with prenatal, postpartum, and ongoing depression overall so I know exactly what you're talking about with feeling tremendous guilt as a parent. I do think that as mothers we can be our own worst critics because one of my good friends constantly tells me that when I look back on these years, I'll realize how much of a good mom I actually was. And I'm sure it's the same for you. Depression is a beast—even more so after having kids. That's why I really believe in writing and sharing these stories so that others know they are far from alone. More than anything, I wish I'd given myself more grace during that time, more grace even now. So many hugs to you and your heart <3
What a writer! Thank you, Jane! And thank you, Cindy. Soul-sustaining!
Isn't it gorgeous! So glad you enjoyed it!
Me too, Jane. Your 'stack is great. As soon as I get some $$$, I'm going to be a paid subscriber.
Oh, thanks so much, D'Arcy. That's so kind of you!
I so appreciate this, thank you <3
I love how delicately these words are woven together and seem to somehow embrace all of our human struggles and complexities. Thank you for sharing this ❤️
So beautifully put. Yes! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you so much. That truly means a lot!
This is beautiful- and so important that these stories reach the world. The vastness of what we go through in becoming mothers can not be underestimated. The line ‘You are still you’ was good for me to hear. Thanks Cindy.
Thank you so much. I wish there were more stories out there about this loss of personal identity. Appreciate you reading and commenting. xoxo
This piece is so profoundly touching that it brings new meaning to interior design; the moving of the 'desk' into the room of one's own which made me think that it was an interior space and the womb of one's one. I find this piece is incredibly settling in that it blends the shift we go through as parents of our children, and parents of ourselves as children-grown. Cindy's words had me playing with words, as evidenced here in my response. And it won't stop as I consider what went into the peace of the piece and her inner and in-her self. I became mesmerized by the prose-full way with which Lamothe accounts for her lifeforce.
Oh my goodness, that's all so beautiful, Marie! I love every word you wrote. It is an incredibly settling piece!
I love the way you interpret this and add in your own beautiful insight. Thank you so much for doing such a profound reading and sharing your thoughts here. xo