I was just speaking with my mother the other night about things I find myself wanting to ask my dad because I’ve realized something I don’t know about him and very much wish to, but he’s been dead ten years now. Grieving him changed me, made me, in part, the person who now has these questions. And so I am left with the poignant irony that I had to lose and mourn him to become an adult who could love him and extend him some mercy.
Oh, Asha, I felt that so deeply in my heart. Do you think you could ask him now? II know it wouldn't be the same, but perhaps a meaningful answer would still come forth? Sending much love. ❤️
My dad was a self-published poet and, I must confess, I have never read a single one of his books. When I finish the memoir I'm working on now, I suspect the next one will be about reading all of his books and trying, through that reading, to be in conversation with him... again? anew? I thought writing this book I'm working on now would wreck me permanently, and it hasn't. At least, not in a bad way. I fear that one with my dad might, though maybe it will be in a good way, too.
Great essay. Shared it with my husband who needs to journal, but hates to do it. I’ve been journaling since 2001 and find I need it almost as much as my morning coffee! Haha. But seriously, it is a magical thing to journal.
When I was going through my darkest parent days, my sister (who'd gone through even darker ones) answered my wail of "I don't know what to do!" with "You know what to do. Write."
I especially like "I approach it not from a place of what I want to say, but rather what I want to know. What I wish someone would’ve told me. What I’m trying to find out. What I struggle to make sense of. What I am longing to hear. Oftentimes, an answer reveals itself as I go."
this is the only way to write - anything - that I find enjoyable rather than stressful!
ditto! Her name is Artemis Cooper. She wrote a book about her 6-month-old daughter nearly dying, called WATCHING IN THE DARK. Aside from that book, she is a historian and biographer. And a very wonderful sister.
Thanks for sharing this piece! Writing has been so helpful to me in my periods of grief, precisely for the reasons that Caroline expresses so beautifully, as always.
"Though we may feel alone in our particular shape of mourning, it helps to remember that it touches us all. (And recording and sharing our experiences creates space for others to do the same.)"
This is a beautiful sentiment, and one that inspires my own publication here on Substack. Mourning and grief is so individual and so universal at once. Writing is one tool that some (like me) use to press grief into shapes that let life continue. Thanks for writing this.
I was just speaking with my mother the other night about things I find myself wanting to ask my dad because I’ve realized something I don’t know about him and very much wish to, but he’s been dead ten years now. Grieving him changed me, made me, in part, the person who now has these questions. And so I am left with the poignant irony that I had to lose and mourn him to become an adult who could love him and extend him some mercy.
Oh, Asha, I felt that so deeply in my heart. Do you think you could ask him now? II know it wouldn't be the same, but perhaps a meaningful answer would still come forth? Sending much love. ❤️
My dad was a self-published poet and, I must confess, I have never read a single one of his books. When I finish the memoir I'm working on now, I suspect the next one will be about reading all of his books and trying, through that reading, to be in conversation with him... again? anew? I thought writing this book I'm working on now would wreck me permanently, and it hasn't. At least, not in a bad way. I fear that one with my dad might, though maybe it will be in a good way, too.
“I discovered what I couldn’t have predicted: my words were the ones I needed.” Gorgeous.
This and the concept of writing as a conversation between the you before and after I’ll take with me.
And yes, grief is in everything, isn’t it? How couldn’t it be with all the ephemerality certain and uncertainty tied up?
Thank you, Caroline and Jane.
I'm so glad you enjoyed Caroline's essay, Holly! I loved those passages, as well! So beautiful. ❤️
Beautiful. Thank you Jane and Caroline. ✨
I'm so glad you enjoyed it, Jolene! Lovely to see you!! xx
Great essay. Shared it with my husband who needs to journal, but hates to do it. I’ve been journaling since 2001 and find I need it almost as much as my morning coffee! Haha. But seriously, it is a magical thing to journal.
It is magical!! I am very inconsistent but when I do it, I can feel a difference. I’m so happy you enjoyed Caroline’s essay, Cathryn.
Loved reading this - it touched me and inspired me. Thank you so much.
Oh, I'm so glad, pritham! Thank you for letting me know!
When I was going through my darkest parent days, my sister (who'd gone through even darker ones) answered my wail of "I don't know what to do!" with "You know what to do. Write."
I especially like "I approach it not from a place of what I want to say, but rather what I want to know. What I wish someone would’ve told me. What I’m trying to find out. What I struggle to make sense of. What I am longing to hear. Oftentimes, an answer reveals itself as I go."
this is the only way to write - anything - that I find enjoyable rather than stressful!
I know that quote!! Such smart advice. And I'm so glad you have such a wonderful, wise sister!! ❤️
ditto! Her name is Artemis Cooper. She wrote a book about her 6-month-old daughter nearly dying, called WATCHING IN THE DARK. Aside from that book, she is a historian and biographer. And a very wonderful sister.
"Writing is an act of hope." And publishing is an act of... ? I'm scared to fill in the blank : )
I knoooooww! 🙀
I'm saving this to share with the teens I talk with about grief. Thank you! I have some writing to do.
I love that, Sherylo! I'm glad it resonated with you. And, yes, I have some writing to do, as well!
Tears in my eyes. Caroline touched my heart again.
Caroline has a knack for doing that, doesn’t she! ❤️
Yes it's a constant! 😍
Thank you for sharing Caroline's. beautiful writing. 💚
I am so glad you enjoyed it, Sue. ❤️
Beautiful 💛
I'm so glad you like it! ❤️
Beautiful. So glad I took a few moment to read this.
I'm so glad you did, as well. And that you enjoyed it!
Thanks for sharing this piece! Writing has been so helpful to me in my periods of grief, precisely for the reasons that Caroline expresses so beautifully, as always.
I'm so glad it resonated with you, Ramya! And, yes, Caroline is always so insightful and thoughtful.
So much suffering!
Harm, hurt, loss, grief, destruction.
Do we feel hopeless?
So much rejoicing!
Awe, joy, love, resilience, growth.
Can we be hopeful?
Lovely!
"Though we may feel alone in our particular shape of mourning, it helps to remember that it touches us all. (And recording and sharing our experiences creates space for others to do the same.)"
This is a beautiful sentiment, and one that inspires my own publication here on Substack. Mourning and grief is so individual and so universal at once. Writing is one tool that some (like me) use to press grief into shapes that let life continue. Thanks for writing this.
Aw, that's beautiful, Trinity. And I agree! So glad you enjoyed Caroline's beautiful essay.
Excellent. Thank you both!
So glad you enjoyed it, Susan!