Thank you, Kate, for one of those rare stories that are both harrowing and heart-swelling. I celebrate the welcoming family you have found. As the wife of an ardent and informed genealogist who has worked for decades on a mystery in his family, I have seen time and again that some relatives do not want to be found lest a new and unsettling story unravel the one they know, and with it their sense of who they are in the world. You and your relatives have opened your minds and hearts to new stories. I wish you years and years together, and look forward to your book.
Thanks so much for reading and for the good wishes. You're so right—there are so many stories about people who don't want to be found, who shut down when people reach out, and those stories break my heart. I've been incredibly lucky.
Navigating a DNA surprise is so complicated. Rejection. Acceptance. Identity. Thank you for so eloquently sharing your journey. We all have a right to see yourself in someone else, to know our family, to know our roots.
Excellent B.K. ! I am so glad you have such a wonderful connection with siblings and family you never knew. You know my DNA story and now I know yours thanks to your wonderful essay about your incredible story. I cannot wait to read your book! ~ Laura Engel
Thanks Laura! DNA brought us heartbreak and joy. I'm so moved by the way you, in your book, You'll Forget this Ever Happened, managed to foreground the joy.
Wow, what a beautifully haunting piece. What I've come to view as "mother-grief" manifests for many of us differently, yet seemingly universally, on so many levels. Thank you for sharing.
Mother-grief (I like this term!) is so potent and tender. I agree, we can experience differently, but we do all seem to carry it in one way or another.
Wonderful essay, B.K. and so many gorgeous images. What a roller coaster quest! I admire your tenacity and am so happy that you've found happiness, peace, and family amidst the lies and heartbreak. Thank you for sharing your story!
This piece was absolutely brilliant especially the analogy of putting the pieces of the puzzle back together. I found out almost three years ago that my father isn't my biological father by taking a DNA test. My parents had trouble conceiving children, and they went to sperm donation route. The brother I was raised with my half-brother, another shock. So far, I have found that I have two more brothers and two sisters - these four range from ages 11-19. I am 31, so I am unable to contact any of them at this time. My biological father and paternal grandmother will not have any contact with me, but I am fortunate that an aunt (bio father's half-sister) and her immediate family have welcomed me with open arms. We plan to meet this Labor Day weekend for the first time.
Oh, Tori, that's a lot. I'm so glad about your aunty and her family. I hope you have a beautiful time together. I also hope your biological father and grandmother come to their hearts and you're able to get to know one another. Wishing you all the best. And thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you! You know these feelings all too well, Tori. As I said to Rona above, it breaks my heart when bio-family refuse contact. I'm glad, though, that you can have the satisfaction of meeting your aunt and learning more about your family. Even though I couldn't meet my father or his son, it meant the world to me to connect with cousins. If you don't know about the community of people who experience these DNA surprises and resources for them, please get in touch with me. Thank you for reading and sharing!
Gorgeous writing, Kate. I was hooked from the opening lines until the end. Such persistence, exploring The Bone Deep Ache that wouldn't quit. And what a reminder that sometimes the universe delivers exactly what we need to become more whole, fulfilled and loved.
What a beautifully written, tender and poignant story. I was rapt from start to finish. The story of our roots and ancestors is such an important piece of who we are. I'm so glad you got to find some answers. Thank you for sharing your journey ❤
Thanks very much! It's true, knowing about those roots is everything! I think of it as a basic human right, and yet it also seems like a gift since I know it's denied to many. I'm grateful.
Thank you for this fascinating true story. It reads like an exciting novel, yet your emotions thread through it, so we appreciate the joy and sadness you experienced.
Wow. What a story with some twists and turns one could never have expected. So many family secrets. What a complicated woman your mother was. Every paragraph pulled me deeper into this story as you try to make sense of how it changes what you thought your story was.
Thank you, Kate, for one of those rare stories that are both harrowing and heart-swelling. I celebrate the welcoming family you have found. As the wife of an ardent and informed genealogist who has worked for decades on a mystery in his family, I have seen time and again that some relatives do not want to be found lest a new and unsettling story unravel the one they know, and with it their sense of who they are in the world. You and your relatives have opened your minds and hearts to new stories. I wish you years and years together, and look forward to your book.
So beautifully put, Rona: harrowing and heart-swelling! Yes! And so true, so many of us do not want our "safe" stories changed.
Thanks so much for reading and for the good wishes. You're so right—there are so many stories about people who don't want to be found, who shut down when people reach out, and those stories break my heart. I've been incredibly lucky.
Navigating a DNA surprise is so complicated. Rejection. Acceptance. Identity. Thank you for so eloquently sharing your journey. We all have a right to see yourself in someone else, to know our family, to know our roots.
Thanks so much, Kara!
Oh, that's so beautifully put. We do! It sounds like you might have experience with this?
Oh, indeed she does, Jane. Kara heads an amazing nonprofit called Right to Know that does great work for people who've experienced such things.
Excellent B.K. ! I am so glad you have such a wonderful connection with siblings and family you never knew. You know my DNA story and now I know yours thanks to your wonderful essay about your incredible story. I cannot wait to read your book! ~ Laura Engel
I look forward to reading Kate's book, as well!
Thanks Laura! DNA brought us heartbreak and joy. I'm so moved by the way you, in your book, You'll Forget this Ever Happened, managed to foreground the joy.
Wow, what a beautifully haunting piece. What I've come to view as "mother-grief" manifests for many of us differently, yet seemingly universally, on so many levels. Thank you for sharing.
Mother-grief (I like this term!) is so potent and tender. I agree, we can experience differently, but we do all seem to carry it in one way or another.
Yes, mother grief and the mother wound — and I know you've written about that beautifully in your memoir Goodbye Again. Thank you, Candace!
Wonderful essay, B.K. and so many gorgeous images. What a roller coaster quest! I admire your tenacity and am so happy that you've found happiness, peace, and family amidst the lies and heartbreak. Thank you for sharing your story!
I agree with every word! And I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks Michele! I appreciate that!
This piece was absolutely brilliant especially the analogy of putting the pieces of the puzzle back together. I found out almost three years ago that my father isn't my biological father by taking a DNA test. My parents had trouble conceiving children, and they went to sperm donation route. The brother I was raised with my half-brother, another shock. So far, I have found that I have two more brothers and two sisters - these four range from ages 11-19. I am 31, so I am unable to contact any of them at this time. My biological father and paternal grandmother will not have any contact with me, but I am fortunate that an aunt (bio father's half-sister) and her immediate family have welcomed me with open arms. We plan to meet this Labor Day weekend for the first time.
Oh, Tori, that's a lot. I'm so glad about your aunty and her family. I hope you have a beautiful time together. I also hope your biological father and grandmother come to their hearts and you're able to get to know one another. Wishing you all the best. And thanks for sharing your story.
What a great phrase, Jane, "come to their hearts"
Thank you! You know these feelings all too well, Tori. As I said to Rona above, it breaks my heart when bio-family refuse contact. I'm glad, though, that you can have the satisfaction of meeting your aunt and learning more about your family. Even though I couldn't meet my father or his son, it meant the world to me to connect with cousins. If you don't know about the community of people who experience these DNA surprises and resources for them, please get in touch with me. Thank you for reading and sharing!
Gorgeous writing, Kate. I was hooked from the opening lines until the end. Such persistence, exploring The Bone Deep Ache that wouldn't quit. And what a reminder that sometimes the universe delivers exactly what we need to become more whole, fulfilled and loved.
Beautifully put! I agree.
Thank you Gail! I was lucky — the universe did deliver!
This was such a gorgeous read. It was gripping, raw, and just beautifully written. Brava!
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! The writing is so lovely and, yes, gripping!
A little late, but thank you so much, Cindy!
Well written. You’ll find many parallels in my memoir if and when I ever get around to publishing it.
Look forward to seeing it in print if you go that route!
Thank you! I'll be eager to read it if you do!
What a beautifully written, tender and poignant story. I was rapt from start to finish. The story of our roots and ancestors is such an important piece of who we are. I'm so glad you got to find some answers. Thank you for sharing your journey ❤
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! This one really bowled me over! And, yes, roots and ancestors inform us in ways I don't think we even fully understand!
Thanks very much! It's true, knowing about those roots is everything! I think of it as a basic human right, and yet it also seems like a gift since I know it's denied to many. I'm grateful.
Thank you for this fascinating true story. It reads like an exciting novel, yet your emotions thread through it, so we appreciate the joy and sadness you experienced.
I agree. So glad you enjoyed it!
Wow. What a story with some twists and turns one could never have expected. So many family secrets. What a complicated woman your mother was. Every paragraph pulled me deeper into this story as you try to make sense of how it changes what you thought your story was.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it, Jill! I also hung on every word!