The Happiness Comes By Accepting The Change Without Regret

The Body, Brain, and Books: Eleven Questions with veterinarian, reader, writer, human Don Hamilton

Dr. Don Hamilton is a veterinarian who practices homeopathic medicine and is the author of Homeopathic Care for Cats and Dogs: Small Doses for Small Animals, the most comprehensive book on homeopathic animal care.

Dr. Hamilton has concerns about our interactions with companion animals and is interested in how these interactions affect animals, as well is in what these interactions suggest about modern culture and our own needs as humans. Additionally, he has great concerns for non-human life and believes that all animals and plants have an inherent right to exist that is independent of their usefulness to humans.

1. What are you reading now?

Gathering Blossoms Under Fire, excerpts from Alice Walker's journals. I'm only about 40% through but I find her honesty refreshing. She minces no words when self-reflecting, and there is a lot of wisdom within these pages. She is also a great source for lesser-known writers, and my reading list has grown by quite a few authors. Zora Neale Hurston and Langston Hughes, for example, of whom I know but have not read, but also James Alan McPherson, Camara Laye, Anne Moody, Nella Larsen, and June Jordan among others. I guess I need to take good care of myself so I can live long enough to read their books.

I was struck by a line in the journal from one of Walker's early novels wherein a man (Grange), feeling optimistic regarding the civil rights movement, then experiences despair witnessing the police and bystanders violently beating protestors. Grange tells his granddaughter that "we have not seen the end of this refusal to love yet."

This from 1967, and sadly at least as true today as then.

2. What are your most beloved books from your youth? Did you ever hide any from your parents?

It's a long time ago now, but mostly things like The Hardy Boys and later Sci-Fi. Arthur C. Clarke's Foundation Trilogy. I also loved Jack London's books, which fit right into my love of the outdoors. Eventually I read John Dos Passos for a school project and was quite taken. Later I also found Sinclair Lewis and Beckett. I don't recall hiding anything but no one else understood why I read Beckett.

3. What’s your favorite book to reread? Any that helped you through a dark time? 

I've read The Snow Leopard four times. The second and third times were back-to-back. I finished reading the book the second time and immediately went back to the beginning and read it again. I have never done that before or since, but I just could not let go of the magic of the Himalayas and Buddhist thought. The crippled monk living high in the most remote mountains, happy not despite but because he would never again be able to leave the mountain, really struck a nerve in me. Pure acceptance.

I like all of Peter Matthiessen's work, the non-fiction nature books, the novels. Nine-Headed Dragon River expounds more deeply the story behind his trek seeking the snow leopard, and I found this also compelling as it blends his Buddhism more into the pain of his story.

Books for hard times? There are so many. Pema Chödrön, The Wisdom of No Escape, but really anything by her. Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love was extremely helpful at the end of one relationship. I'd ordered the book hoping it might help save the relationship, but as it turned out it was delayed and it helped me after the end of the relationship. Right on time, I guess. It was massively helpful.

And not a book of course, but music is a balm to my soul in dark times.  

4. What’s an article of clothing that makes you feel most like you?

I had to think about this one. I like clothing but I don't identify with clothing except I prefer natural fabrics. But I realized that shoes are also clothing, and I am totally myself in walking/hiking shoes of all sorts. Lately I wear five-finger shoes a lot, alternating with sport sandals, even for hiking high in the mountains. I like the freedom of movement and lightness on my feet. I wear flips all summer otherwise, and as long as I can into the winter. My feet, like my soul, don't like confinement.

5. What’s the best piece of wisdom you've encountered recently?

It's not recent at all. I can't think of something recent. I have to think about why that may be.

So I'll relate something else which arose as I pondered this question. Years ago, my partner and I picked up a colleague at the airport for a workshop. My partner and I were in conflict at the time, palpable to all. I felt some guilt and anguish over this even though it was not really my fault. On the way home we stopped at a grocery so our friend could pick up some food for his stay. As we walked out the door of the grocery, we encountered a security guard, a large, cheerful man, clearly from the Southern US by his accent. We chatted a bit and as we left, our colleague said to the man, "I love you." The guard immediately turned to me and said, "and I love YOU! And they ain't nothin' you can do about it!"

Just one of many angels I've encountered over the years.

I shopped often at this market, and never before nor afterward did I see a security guard there. I have always wondered about that "coincidence."

Zuffa

6. Tell me about any special relationship you’ve had with an animal, domestic or wild?

There are so many I could write a book. Well, maybe I should write a book. Mostly cats. Zuffa taught me the most about the incredible consciousness with which all animals operate. He did so on multiple occasions. One time, I was in West Texas, sleeping in the open desert. Like all of the west, it's rattlesnake country. I'm not normally afraid of snakes and in fact I like snakes a lot and have had powerful interactions with rattlesnakes. But in this case I had smoked some marijuana and I went down the rabbit hole in some anxiety about possibly dying of a rattlesnake bite and the failure of my life especially if this happened. I guess the old stories of people waking up to find a rattler snuggled in the sleeping bag with them somehow intruded into the peacefulness of the desert night. I curled up on my sleeping pad in sort of a fetal position, wanting to wait out the anxiety but without success. But then, I clearly felt Zuffa curled up inside my curl, spooning with me, as he would do on cold nights at home in bed. But of course, Zuffa was about three hundred miles away at the time. Still, I had no doubt it was him, somehow traveled to me in the desert on his golden thread.

There was a dog once, on the street in Santa Fe. I was walking with a friend and we were discussing the world and how we dream the world, and where non-human animals may fit into this scenario. Do they dream the world with us? I remarked something like, maybe we dream the world and then they participate with us in the dream.

This dog, walking past us in the opposite direction with her/his guardian, suddenly ran up to me and nipped me on the side of my abdomen! Not hard; there was not even a mark. Just "don't be so bloody arrogant!" We had a good laugh, but the message was also clear. 

7. What's one thing you are happy worked out differently than you expected?

Everything really. All my life I've had opinions or decided my life would go this way or that, but invariably things change in unexpected ways.  The happiness comes by accepting the change without regret, trusting to read the signs I get from the universe indicating time to change. I have often made big decisions based upon relationships with others, whether friendship or intimate relationships. Rather than seeing this as a weakness, I see it as being guided along my path. Someone would sort of take my hand and say, "go here, do this." And if it resonated with me, off I would go, and it's always been right.

8. Singing in the shower or dancing in the kitchen? Or another favorite way your body expresses itself?

I don't sing in the shower because I take very short showers. This started from living in desert country but it is now ingrained. I do sing along with music, though, and I cannot help but dance when the music moves me. Not in any pattern, just my body responding to the sounds.

But we are all different. I was dancing to a British folk-rock band with a friend and colleague years ago in the UK. She loves to dance but cares not a whit about lyrics. I don't know what sort of music she does like, actually. And lyrics move me deeply. But we were at this congress, and the band was live and we danced quite a while. At some point she asked me, while we were dancing, "How do you dance to this music?" I laughed and said, "How do you not?"

9. What are your hopes for yourself?

I hope to resist less, judge less, be kinder to myself and others, to love more, especially as Alice Walker implied in the quote I mentioned above.

10. What’s a kindness that changed your life?

One time, I was distraught at the end of another relationship. I went to this non-traditional Christian church service. I did not normally attend church but my suddenly ex-girlfriend sometimes attended this one, so I went in hopes of meeting her. At one point during the service, we had to greet the person next to us. I was embarrassed as my tears were flowing, but I managed to look into the eyes of the woman next to me, and suddenly she also began crying, presumably in response to my grief. The compassion of a stranger struck me deeply and began to free me of the pain. 

11. What’s a guiding force in your life?

Buddhist principles such as that suffering is caused by wanting things to be different than they are, as well as knowing that everything comes and goes, not only day and night and the seasons, but also happiness and sadness, and life itself. Thus attachment to anything is fraught with the potential for pain.

Don't get me wrong; I fail at this understanding every day. But as Pema Chödrön said somewhere, it's just practice, and the process is like walking in the ocean. We get knocked down by a wave, but we get up. We again get knocked down; we get up again. We again get knocked down; we get up again. Over and over. But at some point, we realize the waves are getting smaller.

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If you enjoyed Don’s questionnaire, you may also enjoy this one with Emma Gannon:

Small Things Are Not So Small

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