Zibby Owens

I'll Figure It Out

Intimate conversations with our greatest heart-centered minds.

Zibby Owens is a whirlwind of inspiration, generosity, hard work, and hard-earned wisdom. I first “met” Zibby after reading a social media post of hers celebrating life. It had taken her almost twenty years to sell her memoir Bookends, not for lack of trying. During those years she’d married, had four children, lost a lot of loved ones, gotten divorced and thought—despite envisioning herself as a writer since the age of eight and selling her first essay to Seventeen when she was only fourteen—any chance of publishing a book was long gone. But she’s since married the love of her life, started an award-winning podcast, and published not one but two books with a third on the way.

It was a post of such deep gratitude, excitement, and hope for others that I spontaneously reached out. I’ve lived through my own challenges that have impacted my writing career. I wanted Zibby to know how deeply her words had settled in me. Odds were I wouldn’t hear back; Zibby Owens is a busy woman. But within ten minutes I received a warm response.

When I say busy, let me clarify: Zibby has the wildly successful podcast Moms Don’t Have Time To Read Books (which earned her the title: “NYC’s Most Powerful Book-fluencer” by New York Magazine’s Vulture) where she interviews an author every single day except Sunday; plus the newishly-founded Zibby Books where she publishes memoirs and novels alongside Leigh Newman; plus book recommendations for Good Morning America, Katie Couric Media, and the Washington Post; plus a biweekly book club; plus children; plus husband; plus dogs; plus parents; plus promoting her own books; plus working on her upcoming novel, Blank; plus writing essays; plus things I don’t know about.

This doesn’t seem humanly possible. And yet, Zibby pulls it off with grace. Along with a lovely sense of humor.

Born in New York City, Zibby attended Yale and then Harvard Business School. Before founding Zibby Owens Media, she worked a variety of jobs from assistant marketing manager to brand planner and helped several companies get off the ground—but through it all she wrote. And wrote and wrote and wrote. Lucky for us, all that lovely writing is making its way out into the world.

I was delighted to chat with Zibby about the possible healing aspects of trauma, the unpredictable timing of the universe, and finding joy.

In Bookends, you write about your struggle with terrible social anxiety. I don’t think people realize that you can be devastatingly shy and also able to put yourself out into the world. Can you speak to this seeming contradiction?

I actually think the social struggles helped me put myself out into the world. When I was young, it wasn't that I didn't have a million thoughts and feelings. And it wasn't that I wasn't a warm and accessible human. It's that I just had a really hard time literally getting the thoughts out of my mouth. It was particularly acute on this one summer program where for three weeks I just could not talk. I spent the summer analyzing conversation patterns and thinking, How are they doing that so easily? How does this person just say this, and then that person talks, and they don't seem self-conscious? I was at such a loss.

So I read a lot. And I wrote a lot. I wrote almost desperately because I had so much to say, and I just couldn't get it out. It was a bizarre experience. Even in social settings, I would just sit there smiling and listening. All of the listening and analysis and the observational stuff, which I still do, informed my writing and it informs who I am today. I’m very much a listener more than anything else.

Do you still struggle with social anxiety?