Thank you, Jane. For sharing so beautifully about Rayya and letting us meet her through your eyes too. I’m so glad you two made the peace in the end. It’s such a hard thing to do with addicts sometimes. I think that’s the thing I wish the most for, that I’d been able to do with my parents before their addictions took them.
You’ve given me much to think about today. 🩵🩵 Lots of love your way!
Thank you, Mesa! That means so much. I know, I was very lucky. It was a huge healing for me. And I wish so so much you'd had that with your parents, friend. ❤️
Beautiful! You invoked so many memories of my own early 80's experiences in Detroit; however, the images of your relationship with Rayya were humbling. I'm not sure I've ever had a relationship with such raw honesty.
Thank you, Michelle! Ooooh, Detroit clubs were fantastic. When we first moved to NYC we thought the clubs paled in comparison!! And, yes, Rayya and I were incredibly honest with one another, I think because neither of us saw any other way to deal with the situation! Hah. In the early years, the honesty was hard, but it's also what allowed us to finally find peace!
Thank you, Thea! And I'm glad you got yourself out. I wish I'd understood Rayya better back then but so grateful we were able to sort through a lot later. xx
Though I’m sure difficult, the idea of having such an intense relationship with someone and then being disconnected only to connect again years later as a way of “completing” seems like such a powerful thing. But I can totally understand why you wish you’d understood her better back then.
Thank you again for your open hearted and honest words.
Oh, this is so good. My favorite sentence is, "Everything was about music then." It's so true. I was also in NYC in the mid 80s and, yes, at places like Save the Robots. Everything WAS about music then - and the people we met through the music. Your essay really brought me back in time to those drug-fueled nights and early mornings. I just smoked cigarettes so I, too, saw that world from the other side of the glass. I'm so glad you repaired and deepened your friendship with Rayya before it was too late. And screw that friend who didn't like you!
Haha. I've come to believe we are basically the same person, Cathy! Thank you for your kind words about the essay. And there was a whole bevy of people who didn't like me back then!! But for the most part, we've all made the peace. One has become a good friend! Life is weird.
New York was so fun in those days. And I managed to turn around someone who truly hated me (she was disgusted when she saw me eating a Pop Tart before class!) into one of my best friends.
Jane, this is really beautifully written and so honest and tender. I loved the nuance and self-awareness. And I especially loved your recollections of NY at the time with such vivid detail. A truly wonderful essay 🙏🏼💗
I'm not sure if your best friend is dead or the two of you aren't speaking but if the latter, I hope that you're able to make the peace, Wendy! (I've also made the peace with people who have passed but it's a bit different...) Rayya and I were very lucky. And thank you for your kind words.
He is alive, but refused to talk when I wrote last year…we both behaved like assholes but he did really hurt me and other friends/family tell me to stay away. I don’t know what to do!
Really appreciate this lens, Jane. I am currently reading Liz’s book. I am reading it slowly. So grateful Rayya and you made peace. I’m in a season of life where that is paramount for me. Trying to heal and clean up what I can so as to travel lightly onto the next adventure. A heartfelt piece. My gratitude. 💜
Thank you for your kind words, Joanie! I agree, making the peace is so important where it's possible (often, it's not). Rayya and I were lucky. It was a huge healing for me; I feel much lighter because of it. I hope it was the same for her!
You write very honestly. Thanks for this piece about your hindsight in this significant relationship in your life. We sometimes have to take our distance, to see clearly. You chose for you and for living, a necessary decision sometimes when close to someone who is dangerous to your health ike your friend. I'm glad you stopped the self blame and worked it out.
Love this, I’m reading Liz’s book now and Rayya’s will be next. We are all so complex, with similar wounding, all just trying to get our needs met in the ways we think best at that particular time.
Oh, Susan, I couldn't agree more. Beautifully put. When you're younger, or at least when I was younger!!, it's hard to see this. But I think that's exactly what was happening with Rayya and me! Thank you for your kind words! ❤️
Wow, Jane. I had no idea you were friends with Rayya back in the day. Nor did I honestly know who Rayya was until the whole Liz Gilbert book. I guess I wonder sometimes if living in the Midwest my entire life has kept me sheltered in a way. It probably has. That said, this was a beautiful essay, Jane, and a wonderful tribute to the complexities of friendship and how they wane over time but can still come to a place of mutual peace.
Aw, thanks, Jeannine! That means a lot. Yes, friendships can be so complex. Hah, the Midwest can be sheltering. But there're also pockets of stuff going on here! Like you and me! ❤️
Thank you, Jane. For sharing so beautifully about Rayya and letting us meet her through your eyes too. I’m so glad you two made the peace in the end. It’s such a hard thing to do with addicts sometimes. I think that’s the thing I wish the most for, that I’d been able to do with my parents before their addictions took them.
You’ve given me much to think about today. 🩵🩵 Lots of love your way!
(Small aside - my son’s middle name is Kory!)
Thank you, Mesa! That means so much. I know, I was very lucky. It was a huge healing for me. And I wish so so much you'd had that with your parents, friend. ❤️
Beautiful! You invoked so many memories of my own early 80's experiences in Detroit; however, the images of your relationship with Rayya were humbling. I'm not sure I've ever had a relationship with such raw honesty.
Thank you, Michelle! Ooooh, Detroit clubs were fantastic. When we first moved to NYC we thought the clubs paled in comparison!! And, yes, Rayya and I were incredibly honest with one another, I think because neither of us saw any other way to deal with the situation! Hah. In the early years, the honesty was hard, but it's also what allowed us to finally find peace!
Jane - beautiful!
Thank you, as always, for sharing so honestly.
I was more on the Rayya side of things - but got out of that life sooner - so I feel you and her. Thank you again
Thank you, Thea! And I'm glad you got yourself out. I wish I'd understood Rayya better back then but so grateful we were able to sort through a lot later. xx
Thank you - me too!
Though I’m sure difficult, the idea of having such an intense relationship with someone and then being disconnected only to connect again years later as a way of “completing” seems like such a powerful thing. But I can totally understand why you wish you’d understood her better back then.
Thank you again for your open hearted and honest words.
Stunning—
Oh, gosh, Elissa, thank you!! That means so much!! ❤️❤️❤️
Oh, this is so good. My favorite sentence is, "Everything was about music then." It's so true. I was also in NYC in the mid 80s and, yes, at places like Save the Robots. Everything WAS about music then - and the people we met through the music. Your essay really brought me back in time to those drug-fueled nights and early mornings. I just smoked cigarettes so I, too, saw that world from the other side of the glass. I'm so glad you repaired and deepened your friendship with Rayya before it was too late. And screw that friend who didn't like you!
Haha. I've come to believe we are basically the same person, Cathy! Thank you for your kind words about the essay. And there was a whole bevy of people who didn't like me back then!! But for the most part, we've all made the peace. One has become a good friend! Life is weird.
New York was so fun in those days. And I managed to turn around someone who truly hated me (she was disgusted when she saw me eating a Pop Tart before class!) into one of my best friends.
😹 Life is so weird.
Jane, this is really beautifully written and so honest and tender. I loved the nuance and self-awareness. And I especially loved your recollections of NY at the time with such vivid detail. A truly wonderful essay 🙏🏼💗
Thank you, dear Cindy!! Your words mean so so much! ❤️
God I wish I could make the peace with my best friend. I miss him a ton. Thank you for this beautiful work!
I'm not sure if your best friend is dead or the two of you aren't speaking but if the latter, I hope that you're able to make the peace, Wendy! (I've also made the peace with people who have passed but it's a bit different...) Rayya and I were very lucky. And thank you for your kind words.
He is alive, but refused to talk when I wrote last year…we both behaved like assholes but he did really hurt me and other friends/family tell me to stay away. I don’t know what to do!
What a gorgeous piece of writing, Jane. Brava. 🩶
Oooooooooooh, thank you, Margaret. Your words went straight to my heart! ❤️
Really appreciate this lens, Jane. I am currently reading Liz’s book. I am reading it slowly. So grateful Rayya and you made peace. I’m in a season of life where that is paramount for me. Trying to heal and clean up what I can so as to travel lightly onto the next adventure. A heartfelt piece. My gratitude. 💜
Thank you for your kind words, Joanie! I agree, making the peace is so important where it's possible (often, it's not). Rayya and I were lucky. It was a huge healing for me; I feel much lighter because of it. I hope it was the same for her!
So lovely, Jane. Thank you for sharing this "tender and peaceful" story, a welcome respite.
Thank you for reading it, Sue! I'm so happy you enjoyed it!
Wow. Jane, beautiful.
Thank you, Sandra!
You write very honestly. Thanks for this piece about your hindsight in this significant relationship in your life. We sometimes have to take our distance, to see clearly. You chose for you and for living, a necessary decision sometimes when close to someone who is dangerous to your health ike your friend. I'm glad you stopped the self blame and worked it out.
Thank you, CI! Your kind words mean so much. ❤️
Love this, I’m reading Liz’s book now and Rayya’s will be next. We are all so complex, with similar wounding, all just trying to get our needs met in the ways we think best at that particular time.
Love your writing, Jane. 💚
Oh, Susan, I couldn't agree more. Beautifully put. When you're younger, or at least when I was younger!!, it's hard to see this. But I think that's exactly what was happening with Rayya and me! Thank you for your kind words! ❤️
I really enjoy your writing. Thank you and God bless!
Thank you so much, Gabriella!
I love this piece, fierce love and honesty abound….. and I’m so glad you got that text 20 years later.🩷🍂🩷
Thank you so much, Judith! ❤️
Wow, Jane. I had no idea you were friends with Rayya back in the day. Nor did I honestly know who Rayya was until the whole Liz Gilbert book. I guess I wonder sometimes if living in the Midwest my entire life has kept me sheltered in a way. It probably has. That said, this was a beautiful essay, Jane, and a wonderful tribute to the complexities of friendship and how they wane over time but can still come to a place of mutual peace.
Aw, thanks, Jeannine! That means a lot. Yes, friendships can be so complex. Hah, the Midwest can be sheltering. But there're also pockets of stuff going on here! Like you and me! ❤️
You live in the Midwest, Jane? I am in northern Indiana.
Yes, I'm back in Michigan!!
I was just in Michigan over the weekend, Jane. It would be lovely to meet you in person one day. :)