This Messy, Exhausting, Beautiful Life
The Body, Brain, and Books: Eleven Questions with writer and social entrepreneur, Clare Egan
Welcome to another edition of The Body, Brain, & Books. If you enjoy reading these quick, insightful interviews brimming with wisdom and hope, please subscribe to Beyond.
What are you reading now?
I just finished Elizabeth Rush’s The Quickening which is about scientific exploration in Antarctica and the author’s decision to have a child. The intersection of these two stories makes each strand more compelling. I’ve written about the decision to have a child as our climate collapses, and this is the best book I’ve read on that subject. It manages to be both warm and evocative while not shying away from the horror of watching glaciers disintegrate before our eyes. I really recommend it!
What are your most beloved books from your youth? Did you ever hide any from your parents?
As a child, I loved Enid Blyton (especially the Secret Seven series) and Judy Blume. I also graduated to reading “adult” books as a teen and remember being transfixed by Zadie Smith’s White Teeth while on student exchange in France.
What’s your favorite book to reread? Any that helped you through a dark time?
My comfort re-reads tend to be audiobooks rather than print books. I listened to Emma Forrest’s Your Voice In My Head after discovering it on the radio late one night. It’s about her relationship with her therapist Dr R, and how she recovered from serious mental ill-health. It got a lot of tabloid coverage when it was first published because she describes dating actor Colin Farrell (“her gypsy husband”), but that was the least interesting part of the book to me. I’ve re-listened to it many times over the years, and found comfort in Forrest’s willingness to face the hard things in the hope of ultimately overcoming them.
What’s an article of clothing that makes you feel most like you?
I wish I could say that it’s something stylish like a crisp white shirt or perfect-fitting jeans but that’s not true. It’s my sweats. Whenever I get home, I peel off my outside clothes and sink into cozy sweatpants and a hoodie, usually layered with thermals and cashmere jumpers because I’m always cold. I feel most like myself when I get to deeply inhabit my internal self without giving any thought to what I look like.
What’s the best piece of wisdom you've encountered recently?
I remember my mother telling me to enjoy my life. She died in a car accident when I was 19. I miss her all the time, though she’s been gone for almost 20 years. I’ve tried to hold onto that piece of wisdom she shared; that it’s not enough to just get through life, I should try to enjoy it. My mother was 53 when she was killed. Losing her so traumatically made me acutely aware of how fragile life is, and I do my best to enjoy this messy, exhausting, beautiful life I feel so grateful to have.
Tell me about any special relationship you’ve had with an animal, domestic or wild?
In January, my partner and I lost our beloved cat Budino. He had been sick but his death still felt sudden, and it has shaken the foundations of our family. I didn’t consider myself an animal person until I met Budino and his younger brother, Martino. But having had the chance to know them, I don’t think I’ll ever live without a pet again. Cats are tremendously gentle company. They have so much love to give, and make our home feel so much more alive. I really resonate with this Jean Cocteau quote: “I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.”
What's one thing you are happy worked out differently than you expected?
Turns out I’m gay! I had no idea. Or at least that’s how it felt because I grew up in a context where it wasn’t OK to be gay. I was in my 30s before I came out, and I’m getting married to my partner in a few months. I still have moments when I’m like “holy shit, I’m gay!” It makes me tremendously happy.
Singing in the shower or dancing in the kitchen? Or another favorite way your body expresses itself?
I do love a good solo-dance in the dark!
What are your hopes for yourself?
To be happy. I’d love to publish the books I’m writing, and grow the Life after Trauma community and take a trip to Japan and learn to make sourdough. But really, I just want to enjoy my life. Just as my mother wished I would. 🥹
What’s a kindness that changed your life?
So many people have been good to me over the years, but the thing that changed my life was learning to be kind to myself. When I was in the depths of trying to come to terms with the sexual abuse I experienced as a child, someone recommended that I read Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion. My body recoiled from those ideas so much that I flung the book across the room. It wasn’t easy for me to learn to be self-compassionate, and I’m still not great at it to be honest. But being a little kinder and gentler with myself has changed my life.
What’s a guiding force in your life?
My mother’s love. I’m in a difficult moment in my life. I’ve been navigating a lot of loss over the last few months and it’s been hard to find my way through it. My sister recently reminded me that our mother had poured so much love into me during my early years and it would be enough to keep me going even when things are hard.
If you enjoyed Clare’s questionnaire, you may also enjoy this one with
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Oh, Jane, how exciting that you featured Clare today! I have been following her story and her work for almost two years now. It's always a delight when I notice this type of overlap with writers I admire and find to be inspiring in my own creative journey.
Hi, Clare! Glad to see you featured today.
What a lovely, honest, life-affirming interview! Thank you Jane and Clare!