Daily Joy Practice And Defunkify When Required
The Body, Brain, and Books: Eleven Questions with writer and mental health advocate Mesa Fama
Welcome to another edition of The Body, Brain, & Books. If you enjoy reading these quick, insightful interviews brimming with wisdom and hope, please subscribe to Beyond.
What are you reading now?
I always have multiple books going, so at this moment in time I am reading the following:
Alice Hoffman’s “Practical Magic” which is one of my most favorites. The movie is a standard repeat multiple times a year, but as soon as Fall rolls around I start reading all the books in the series.
Deborah Harkness’s “Shadow of Night” (part of the “All Souls” trilogy)- I’m re-reading them all so that I can get caught up to read her new release that came out this past July. Another great Fall read for spooky season.
Matt Haig’s “The Life Impossible” is a new one that I just started at the writing of this. I love his writing and I always get drawn into the characters and worlds he creates.
What are your most beloved books from your youth? Did you ever hide any from your parents?
I read everything I could get my hands on as a little kid – “Clifford the Big Red Dog,” “Heathcliff,” “Garfield,” and “Nancy Drew.” My preteen and teenage years I loved the “Sweet Valley High” series by Francine Pascal, all of Judy Blume’s books, R.L. Stine’s “Fear Street” books, L.J. Smith’s books – “The Vampire Diaries,” “The Secret Circle,” and just about anything my mom handed me – usually something by Stephen King or Dean Koontz. My mom was the one who taught me to read and advocated for letting me pick whatever I wanted.
My grandma on the other hand, she was very much anti-books for me. She once saw me reading something my mom had given me and she told me I was going to go to hell for reading it. I learned to hide all my books from her. I essentially had to read in my bedroom or the bathroom when I lived with her.
What’s your favorite book to reread? Any that helped you through a dark time?
I always reread “Big Magic” by
, at least once a year. I turn to it when I need to find my creative spark. Her book “Eat, Pray, Love” got me through the suicide of my mother. I held onto that book like a life preserver. I was adrift when I lost my mom, and I felt like Liz’s words and her story anchored me during the most excruciating time in my life in 2008. I wish I would have told her that when I got to see her in February!Matt Haig’s “The Midnight Library” is another that I love to reread and has had a lasting impact on me. He released it in August 2020, and it was the brightest spot of that year for me.
The first line of the description is what immediately grabbed me - “Between life and death there is a library.” And then the last line of the description “Before time runs out, she must answer the ultimate question: what is the best way to live?” The book itself is about a woman who is presented with a library full of lives she could have lived depending on different decisions, it deals with suicidal ideation and mental health. And as heavy and fantastical as it sounds, it really makes you think about life in several different ways.
What’s an article of clothing that makes you feel most like you?
I purchased a hoodie in 2020 from Uncle Bobbie’s Bookstore, emblazoned across the front are the words, “BOOKS SAVED MY LIFE”. I wear it nearly every day when it gets cold, it is my most favorite piece of clothing that is the most me.
What’s the best piece of wisdom you've encountered recently?
Let your love light shine is my all-time favorite piece of wisdom.
On a more recent note, a dear friend said to me “magical Mesa, be true to you. Daily joy practice and defunkify when required.” Great pieces of wisdom, especially cultivating joy!
Tell me about any special relationship you’ve had with an animal, domestic or wild?
I’ve always had a special relationship with dogs.
In third grade I was given a dog named Lucky, she lived at my stepdad’s house and was my shadow when I lived with my mom and stepdad for a small time. She was a tiny, long haired chihuahua/Pomeranian mix, and she showed me so much love every chance she got. She found her way into my heart and always onto my lap. She slept next to me as often as she could, she was my best friend as a kid.
The last dog I owned was over 14 years ago, her name was Pudge, and she was an American bulldog, so a slightly thinner and taller version of the English bulldog. She was white with tan markings. I also had an English Mastiff at the same time, his name was Tankers, and he was a very gentle giant. He and Pudge ended up mating and when Pudge had her puppies, I was the only one allowed to be near her. She allowed me to help her, and I was the only one who could handle her babies, if anyone else dared to approach she became very territorial. She also would only go outside if I accompanied her, she wanted me with her throughout the first two days. So, I slept in a chair near where she and the babies were corralled (there were 12 in all).
During those first precarious days, she allowed me help take care of her runt. I would feed the littlest girl and then place her back in with momma and siblings. On the third day, I noticed that the runt wasn’t getting any bigger and was constantly pushed aside by the others. On the last feeding, when I placed her back inside the pen, Pudge scooted herself closer to her and put her between her front paws and just started licking her little body over and over to stimulate her to get to her to move. I ended up going out to grab food and when I returned, the littlest girl had passed away. Pudge got up and brought her to me and came outside with me while I buried her baby. She laid down on the ground next to the spot and I sat with her until she decided to get up. We sat for a long time, or at least it felt that way. When I left my 2nd marriage in 2010, I had to leave her behind and my heart has never been the same.
What's one thing you are happy worked out differently than you expected?
My time spent writing on Substack has been the most unexpected experience for me in the last year. I have been writing online in some capacity since 2005 (remember MySpace notes?). I started here a year ago with only one goal- just writing for me. I had hope that I would find a community, but I didn’t expect one. I expected that I would have a couple of friends who’d subscribe to me or read my work and that would be it. I am so thrilled at how wrong I was!
I made a commitment to myself and then to my readers, my tribe, my community – I would keep going, no matter what. I would write at least once a week and I would do my best to provide them a space where they could express themselves. I genuinely love to know what they think about all manner of things that I write. I also have found some amazing mentors and grown my craft beyond anything I could have ever hoped for.
I will sing the praises of this space forever. And what I truly believe is that you get out what you put in. If you want to build a community, it requires you to be in community. I had to actively seek out other voices and engage with other creators who are doing the work and making things that mean something to me. And that has made all the difference.
Singing in the shower or dancing in the kitchen? Or another favorite way your body expresses itself?
I do both, I also sing and dance/bop around in the car. I love to twirl and shimmy around the kitchen when I’m cooking or baking. I also tend to sing along with whatever is playing on my Pandora, Spotify, or Amazon music. I come from a singer mom and a drummer dad, so music is baked into DNA.
What are your hopes for yourself?
I hope that I get out of my own way and finish the book I’m working on. I hope that I take the chance and try something new in my writing (fiction is currently tempting me). I hope that I figure out the ways and means necessary to build the bookstore/café/community garden space that I have been dreaming of for 18 years. I hope that no matter what, I always keep going.
What’s a kindness that changed your life?
One specific moment in time that stands out to me is from autumn of 1990, on a regular Sunday afternoon at the skating rink I met a girl named Krissy. At the end of the skating session, I was outside waiting to be picked up, but my ride had not shown. Krissy and her dad saw me standing there and pulled up to see if I was okay. I had just been about to turn around to go call my mom when Krissy’s dad offered to give me a ride home. I immediately accepted and hopped in the backseat. Instead of taking me home right away, Krissy asked if I could come with them to McDonald’s for ice cream. We spent another hour laughing and talking and becoming best friends. She is now someone I consider family; she is my chosen sister. We’ve been best friends/sisters for 34 years now. Had it not been for her dad checking to see if I was okay, I don’t know if she and I would have become so close.
I do have to admit though, I have been fortunate in my life to have had many kindnesses from people I love and sometimes from complete strangers. Each in their own way changed my life for the better.
What’s a guiding force in your life?
The inner knowledge that no matter what it will be okay. My anxious mind or depression will try to convince me otherwise on occasion, but because of everything I have been through, I rely on my deep knowing that it will be alright. I have survived more loss than I can recount, and almost lost myself twice; yet, here I am, still here, still standing, still going, and it just keeps getting better.
Also - Love is what I lead with, always. I am not religious; I don’t have a god that I believe in. Bur I know Love and it has guided me through all my days.
If you enjoyed Mesa’s questionnaire, you may also enjoy this one with Jessica DeFino:
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Mesa!!!! So excited for you!! small joys and joy as practice comes from Glimmer theory and Suleika and Jon and The Isolation Journals Friday practice of name a little joy. During pandemic I rediscovered play and joy in efforts to maintain well being. I’ve always been in awe of your courage and vulnerability. And of course, your voice! So glad you are being seen for your efforts and am here to celebrate you today!! Cheers!!
"Mesa Fama is a writer, mental health advocate, lover of all psychology related things, and connection creator through words." Absolutely love that introduction. Fascinating to learn more about her work. Thank you