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The Body, Brain, and Books: Eleven Questions with singer Susie Wilkins
Welcome to another edition of The Body, Brain, & Books. If you enjoy reading these quick, insightful interviews brimming with wisdom and hope, please subscribe to Beyond.
Susie Wilkins is a queer London-based singer-songwriter, composer/producer & teacher. She’s performed at London’s Shepherd's Bush Empire, Paris' La Cigale, Amsterdam’s Paradiso and Berlin’s Schiller Theatre (supporting Joe Jackson).
Susie's music has been heard on ABC, Sky Atlantic, along with numerous placements on BBC Television & Radio, ITV, Channel 4, & extensively on US TV including promos for ‘Greys Anatomy’ and ‘How To Get Away With Murder’ (for which Susie was nominated for a Music+Sound Award). Susie is also passionate about teaching people how to speak and sing with confidence. Her latest single 'The Way I Am' will be released on April 11th. You can follow Susie here: http://www.instagram.com/susiewilkins
What are you reading now?
I’ve just finished reading ‘The Death of Mrs Westaway’ by Ruth Ware and am currently reading ‘It Begins With You: The 9 Hard Truths About Love’ by Jillian Turecki. I’m an avid reader of all things self-improvement; otherwise a good thriller suits me down to the ground.
What are your most beloved books from your youth? Did you ever hide any from your parents?
I absolutely adored any sort of fantasy, thriller or crime novel when I was a kid - page turners that could transport me into another world. My favourites were The Hobbit, The Chronicles Of Narnia by CS Lewis, and the Dark is Rising Sequence by Susan Cooper. I also (don’t tell my mum) feigned sickness for a week so I could stay at home and read ‘The Hounds of the Morrigan’ by Pat O’Shea.
I was a highly sensitive, creative kid and I always had a sense of being ‘different’ somehow. I’m not sure how much of that was to do with my queerness - probably quite a bit. So books that contained all sorts of weird, wonderful eccentric characters inhabiting magical places really resonated with me.
I don’t remember hiding anything I was reading from my mum - who is a very open-minded book-loving person. Her rule about books she kept on the highest shelf was ‘when you’re old enough to reach it, you’re old enough to read it’.
What’s your favorite book to reread? Any that helped you through a dark time?
The books I return to often are any written by Thich Nhat Hanh. ‘No Mud, No Lotus’ is a particular favourite. I have a busy brain, and often have issues with focus; so quite often non-fiction is easier for me to consume, particularly during difficult times. I discovered his books following my divorce - his peacefulness just jumps out of the page and gives me a sense of calm in my most difficult moments.
What’s an article of clothing that makes you feel most like you?
I’d say probably my Converse All-Stars - they’ve been a permanent fixture for me since I was a teenager. I’ve owned all the colours under the sun - my current ones are cherry red. My older brother Tom (who passed away in 1994) always wore them, and I guess persisting with them - even though let’s be honest, they’re not massively comfortable - is my way of carrying a piece of him around with me.
What’s the best piece of wisdom you've encountered recently?
I’m a huge fan of Mel Robbins, and her ‘let them’ theory is probably the most useful piece of wisdom I’ve encountered recently. In all honesty it follows a similar thread to all the stuff I’ve been consuming since I found myself starting my life again in my mid-forties. Mostly that letting go, easing your grip on attachment, and surrendering to what is instead of trying to control everything (and everyone) around you makes for a more peaceful life.
Tell me about any special relationship you’ve had with an animal, domestic or wild?
I’ve had two very special animals in my life - first was my dear pup Milo. A beautiful, naughty Jack Russell who really changed my life in so many ways. He got me out of the house for walks on my darkest days, found me a new circle of friends and showed me what it means to just live in the moment and to love unconditionally. Dogs are beautiful creatures in that way. Nursing him through sickness was desperately hard, and it was soul-crushing losing him. I vowed in that moment never to own an animal again, but then - along came Ziggy. She’s a black and white tuxedo cat and she’s perfect.
It’s true what people say - cats aren’t pets, they’re housemates. Having said that, she’s incredibly affectionate - a proper snugglepuss. When I got her from Battersea Dogs & Cats Home I said very specifically, ‘I’m alone, I’m needy, I used to have a dog, I don’t want one of those weird moody aloof cats’… And there she was. She gets into bed with me in the mornings, sits with me when I write music, and follows me around the house chirruping. She’s a puppy-cat.
What's one thing you are happy worked out differently than you expected?
I’m happy I got divorced. Yikes, I said it. Not that I would recommend the soul-crushing pain that goes with it, or the heartache of losing the person you thought you were going to spend your life with. For me it was quite an experience picking myself up from rock-bottom and rebuilding myself into the person I feel I was always meant to be.
I found a daily meditation practice. I now exercise daily without fail. I had proper trauma therapy and did a deep dive on why my relationships have been the way they’ve been. I now earn my living solely from music because I finally believe in myself. I truly believe I would never have done these things without losing my marriage. So even though it is not at all how I thought my life would be, I am grateful for it.
Singing in the shower or dancing in the kitchen? Or another favorite way your body expresses itself?
Definitely both! I love to sing and dance, and have actually rediscovered the joy of doing it just for fun. I think because singing has been my ‘job’ for so long I forgot how nice it is just to turn some music on and dance and sing. I now make sure I do it regularly - such a great way to start the day and shift that mood that’s often hanging over my head when I wake up in the morning.
What are your hopes for yourself?
My hope for myself is to die with no regrets and to know that I have lived well. For me that means continuously building and nurturing loving relationships, writing and performing music that touches people and knowing full well that I have never stopped dreaming.
What’s a kindness that changed your life?
I feel very lucky to say that there are really too many to count. I felt surrounded by what I’d call a community of kindness after my divorce. I now live in an absolutely beautiful house near the river in London, thanks to dear friends of mine stepping up when I needed it most and offering it to me. This has been life-changing. I have a room to work in. A garden. A river to run and walk along. I feel so peaceful here and have written so much music. I have neighbours across the road who came and knocked on the door one day and just took me under their wing. I think they noticed that I hadn’t left the house for quite some time - so along they came.
My friend Amy B. Scher supported my teaching business in its infancy and encouraged me - which is how I met you, Jane! I have another good friend who gave me part time work in Lisbon when I was in my ‘arrg I’m all alone how will I survive?!’ phase. All these acts of kindness showed me I could survive and thrive and be alone, but not lonely.
Starting again has been a tough ride, but it’s been so worth it. I wouldn’t be here without the multiple acts of kindness that have helped me along the way.
What’s a guiding force in your life?
The guiding forces in my life are music and my family. I don’t know where I’d be without either thing. My family has been through a lot, so we stick together. Becoming an auntie over the past few years has been the greatest joy. I love those little humans!
As for music - whether that’s performing myself or just putting on my favourite record, it has such power to shift my mood. Singing has always been my way of releasing big emotions and it has seen me through the toughest times. It's also the thing that enables me to regularly experience awe - for me there is nothing quite like seeing an artist I love perform, and being truly blown away.
If you enjoyed Susie’s questionnaire, you may also enjoy this one with
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I LOVE this! And Susie is the absolute best singing teacher. I went from "I have a horrible voice" to "I can sing HERE COMES THE SUN for OTHER people!" A miracle.
Jane! I’m beyond thrilled. Thank you. x